Sunday, December 26, 2010

looked pretty good and comparison

This year's face photo:

Last Year's face photo:

This year's body shot:

Last year's body shot:

I was so stressed about how I was going to look but I actually looked pretty snazzy. I think I looked better than last year. Someone at work commented about how it looks like I actually have a neck now. I don't think it was meant to be a rude comment. I kind of laughed inside because it really is the easiest way for people to notice weight loss; through the face I mean.

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Stress of the Dress

Me forgetting that I have two parties to attend for the Christmas Season is stressful. I really wanted that pink dress and so I'm finishing it tonight even though I started it yesterday. It looks ok. Running into the problem that I lost my presser foot for doing the machine.. so it looks like I have to run out and buy elastic for the back of the dress. It's going to be simple and pink.. Kind of excited. I just need have a definitive pattern for the top of the dress.

I've been too hard on myself about my size again. I had looked at some more before pictures and I was a lot bigger. I guess I'm not a good judge for my own size or something.

Friday, December 17, 2010

Christmas Dress?

The christmas dress I bought looks nothing like anything I envisioned it to be.. I like the slinky material though. It's not itchy or stuffy. I'm looking at the photos of myself though and I'm thinking.. I don't really look different from last year. Maybe it takes like 60 pounds to see the difference in a similar dress.... 40 pounds isn't enough... I can see a difference in my face but I am not seeing the difference in my body. Not in this dress. Maybe the one for my birthday but not this one. Sigh.

This is me from when I had lost weight apparently 5 years ago. Oh how it feels like I'm trying to reinvent the past.... I'm not sure my weight but I like how I look in the dress. See the difference? Still a lot to work towards.

Thursday, December 16, 2010

not enough sleep

Not enough sleep or something. I'm stressed out this week. Christmas is coming and I'm not where close to being done with shopping and all that. I will wrap presents and finish decorating. My exercising has not been great. I need to exercise a full hour today and go to bed earlier. My dining room looks like it seriously needs a makeover. It looks so plain since I made the living room look so good. I will figure out something today. Not weighing myself until my period is over and stress has gone down some. My christmas tree looks awesome! The Christmas wreath looks even better. I spent hours making the Hello Kitty.. I want to make some other ornaments still... it depends I guess.

Tuesday, December 14, 2010


I ended up taking a 3 day break from exercise. I hadn't meant for it to happen. Somehow it did. I exercised today and just felt like going for the whole hour. It was good. I'm happy that I'm more conscious of my exercising overall. Before it would have been weeks before I exercised again. I am not as concerned about being 179 at christmas anymore. I just want to be happy in whatever I'm wearing. Whatever that may be. I went fabric shopping again and didn't find anything. I will find something. But it's not a huge deal because it's more about spending time with people than looking flashy for parties. I should save the money to use for the party I want to hold on New Year's day.

Saturday, December 11, 2010


I didn't post yesterday because I couldn't figure out what to say. I worked out for 40 minutes on the elliptical and it was a difficult 40 minutes. I don't think I've ever felt the burn in my legs recently like I did yesterday. It was the normal workout but I think because I've been working out every single day that it is now doing something to my muscles. I'm not trying to get buff so I have to watch my protein levels. When I used to work out in college I'd be at the gym for like 2 hours and then eat a full plate of eggs afterwards like my brother would suggest. Needless to say my doctor told me my cholesterol was high because of the eggs. I was told to chill out with them. I don't eat eggs that much right now. I do eat pistachios.... I try to limit how much I have though.

I didn't do a weigh in this morning but I think I'm going to get a double workout in today. 40 minutes this morning and then something on the treadmill tonight. Me and that beastly treadmill.

I went shopping again for dresses and am really getting tired of the styles I want to wear being at like size 10 or under. I only found one dress that I was thinking about trying on until I realized it had dolmen sleeves (which looks bad for my figure). My friend really thinks I should take the time instead of spending countless hours trying on dresses, just make the dress that I really was thinking about. Spend the time looking for a cute fabric. Theoretically it should only take me a couple days to sew the dress if I had the proper fabric.

Thursday, December 9, 2010

First Double Date

It was my first double date with my boyfriend last night. I was excited and nervous. I really want to make it to my goal of 179 before christmas and I thought I had more determination that what I showed last night. I caved after some comments were said. They were harmless to someone not sensitive like me. I ended up ordering and eating food that I knew I'd be paying for later. I worked out for an hour after I got home but it wasn't enough. I gained a pound. But it's the weirdest feeling because I had so much energy after eating than I normally do like I wanted to run and jump and skip. I ate a salad before the entree and had asparagus during the entree. NO DESSERT. I had hot green tea with splenda sweetener. I feel like maybe my determination isn't in the right place. Maybe I was too concerned with making a good impression over my health. My boyfriend ate all his food and some of mine. I did leave food on my plate.. just not enough it felt like afterwards.

I've been grumpy today at the thought of having another hour long workout to hopefully help fix my weight. It's said to not workout over 1.5 hours. The new anime I bought should make my workout go by smoothly. I just don't want to feel like I can't go on double dates because I can't control myself.

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

182 still

probably because I only did a 30 minute workout rather than 40 minutes. I wanted to go out to get another anime to watch and then complete my workout but I got sidetracked by looking at christmas dresses. All of the cute dresses weren't in my size. As i was looking through my size girls kept passing by saying "those are dresses my mother or grandmother would wear"... I winced and tried to look some more but the efforts were no good.

I keep seeing this shirt I would love to wear at The Limited but i'm pretty sure that I wouldnt fit into it while it is in style. Back to the drawing board. Maybe i can find something like it.

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

This is the sweatband my friend gave me from her vacation! It's so cute! It's not really a sweatband it's a bathheadband. I'm so excited about it. I'm going to be wearing all the time when I work out.

I'm having a hard time not beating myself up over how fast I lose weight. I often feel insecure when people comment about my weight loss to my face. I am sensitive to being made fun of about it and sometimes it really does feel like people are policing my intake. I know it's ok to eat what I want. I'll take a picture of the inside of my refrigerator so you can see the kinds of things I buy. One of the freezer and one of the refrigerator. I have mainly healthy food with a touch of junk like my soy mini ice cream bars and my huge bag of pistachios.

I looked up about being more selfish today. It was more of the need to feel like I should pamper myself instead of settling on so much. I am still at this very moment settling on too much. I had wanted to go out to get some new anime today but something stopped me. I guess there is still time if I want to drive in rush hour traffic to soothe my yearning for new anime since I keep talking about it. You know what? I think I will exercise first to get it out of the way and then drive to get anime and my bottled water!


I do admit to eating cake. I should have said no all i was thinking about was how i was hungry and it was right there while i was in a meeting at work. I didn't eat the frosting at least. I exercised for a full 45 minutes yesterday. It was 1.5 workout sessions on the elliptical. I must have been tired from the sugar overload. I did burn 500 calories during the workout.

Still lost a pound. I have to eat much better today. I'm running out of bottled water so I need to make sure I pick up some after work today.

2 more pounds until an anime boxset.
3 pounds to mini goal.
22 pounds until I'm considered overweight rather than obese.
52 pounds to real goal.

Monday, December 6, 2010

before and almost current pics.

So I didn't realize how much of an eye opener it was to me to see this mini before and after picture because the after is in between the goal. I definitely am going to keep losing weight and I think I need to take more pictures of myself to see if I'm on a good track. I haven't exercised for the day but I will after this. My place is cold so I will have to bundle up on the elliptical.

Funny reading. 183 still.

It was funny just reading that Jen from PriorFatGirl just had pizza because I a slice of pizza on Saturday. Except I am trying to lose weight not maintain it. lol. I weighed in at 183 this morning so it's good I didn't gain because I also had pancakes this weekend and regular hot chocolate. I did workout last night on the elliptical machine for 43 minutes doing interval training. I just have to be better this week and continue to exercise. I think I may have to find some new anime because its getting a little repetitive. I'm so excited for Christmas and just 4 pounds to lose to be at my goal for Christmas. If I get to like 175 before Christmas then I definitely have to start posting pictures on here of myself because 175 is my half way point for the entire weight loss goal. So ridiculously exciting. 45 pounds out of the 90 pounds. I think that would make my year.

I saw one of my former classmates from college and she noticed my weight loss. I didn't realize I was out of control with my weight towards the end of college. Which really means me hitting 145 pounds in college only lasted a little bit before it started creeping back on. I want to do this for life. I'm not going to stop eating all of the foods I love. I just have to know to eat them in moderation.

Oh another cool thing. I have a new sweatband to wear when I exercise so my face doesn't get acne from my hair sweat. My friend gave it to me last night! It works great. I will post pictures of it when I remember.

Saturday, December 4, 2010


I'm so proud of myself for getting on the treadmill after my workout this morning. Usually I would just say I would exercise again and then forget or skate around it. But I exercised and even tried running off and on. I managed to run for 4 or 5 minutes out of 16 minutes I was on the treadmill. I really thought I couldn't run. If I keep trying I will get better and better. I had to stop because I was starting to feel dizzy but I am happy that I accomplished that much running. More like jogging. My shin was hurting a little but not like when I used to run without running shoes on. This is so cool. I'm so excited. I think I'm going to do some situps or crunches or something when I cool down a little so I can make up for not finishing a half hour on the treadmill.


I don't know why I'm not happy about being 183. I guess I wanted it to be lower. I worked out today for 30 minutes so I owe myself another workout. Possibly on the treadmill if I head to my boyfriend's place. I can feel that anime boxset so close to my hands... and yet it's so far away. sigh.

edit: I'm ok now. I just need to keep at it. I am going to clean and then exercise again since I have the time. a loss is a loss.

Friday, December 3, 2010


Lol. I'm definitely keeping it at 183. I'm so close to reaching 180. Working out on my elliptical everyday for 40 minutes is pretty cool. I should have been doing this all along. This is definitely water weight that I'm losing but I'm excited. I got to exercise before my weekend festivities get started. I guess I'll be getting on the treadmill this weekend too. So I can keep up with the weight loss for my Christmas goal. I watched genshiken last night while exercising. I was in such a bad mood but losing weight is an awesome uplifter.

Thursday, December 2, 2010

fighting with myself

I'm fighting with myself to exercise. It's right in the other room. I just need to get it over with...


I weighed myself to see if working out last night did any exceptional work towards my weight loss and for some reason it did. I lost 1.3 pounds. I think it could be just water weight but I'll take it for what I can get. I'm happy to exercise while watching tv. My pants are fitting a little better but I still want to be like 179 or lower for Christmas. I want to be less than I weighed when I left high school like that Jennifer Hudson commercial but without the assistance of Jenny Craig or something like that. 6 more pounds to my mini goal. Oh and when I reach my mini goal my boyfriend has to buy me a present for reaching my 180 goal. Yes another bonus. I think he was buying me an easel or something for my art. I may ask him to just buy me a whole lot of the boxed jewelry that I like to wear for work or to take me to the zoo again.

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

I wanted to post

I wanted to post right after my workout just to document my feelings. The workout went by pretty fast using the workout mode again. I really felt like I could have kept the burn going a little longer but I am not trying to burn myself out. I worked out for 40 minutes on the elliptical trainer while watching Without A Trace. I really thought that I wouldn't exercise because I was so tired but I said you know what, I'm just going to do it. If I really am tired I will get off and say at least I tried but I had more energy after I started. I mean sure I am tired again now but I did accomplish my goal for a workout. I guess I will weigh myself in the morning to see how my eating and workout changed anything.

I was afraid to weigh myself

I was afraid to weigh myself in fear that I gained even though I'm eating right and exercising. I weighed in at 186 this morning. Closer to 187 but I'll take what I can get. This means that I definitely need to keep up working out for 40 minutes everyday on the elliptical machine. I was mad that the Wii Fit told me that I wouldn't reach my goal in time because of the non-weight loss from the holidays. The goal it's set for is to get to 168 pounds. I can do it; I know I can. I'm at work thinking how much I want to be on my elliptical. Sigh.

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

working out and winter coat

I know it's a fat girl's blues to wear a winter coat. I have drama every year not only because of weight but also because of my allergies to wool. This year I'm wearing a pretty winter coat!! It is a little tight around the arms and chest right now but if I keep working out it should become looser. I'm proud that I didn't have to go to the plus size section to get it but I am feeling like I put some more pressure on myself to lose weight.

I used the workout mode on my elliptical machine for the first time and let me tell you it was a definite workout. I'm not sure how many calories I burned but my legs were on fire afterwards. It was that burn I used to get when I went to the gym in college. I was so happy!!! I'm not happy looking at myself in the mirror all the time but I'm working on it.

The new jeans I bought on Friday were a little tight when I bought them. It's really sad that the number on the jeans bothers me. I want to be a size 12 already not a 16. I have to lose 40 more pounds to be a size 12.

Muhahaha. On a side note I watched Home Movies while I was working out today. Possibly one of the best ideas. I was laughing so hard. I need to ration out what I'm spending my money on so I can get some more funny shows to watch while I workout. Its fun to laugh-- the time goes by so much faster.
Shows I'd want to get: Nodame Cantabile, Baccano, Tales of Agriculture, Genshiken 2, The Boondocks... etc.

Monday, November 29, 2010

venting. 188

Last night I wrote a blog to myself to vent out my frustrations and deleted it. I was really worked up over not losing any weight from over the holidays but I exercised last night and this morning for a bit. I'm going to keep exercising. What do I have to lose from trying to do what I can but weight? I am proud of myself for using the treadmill on Saturday. I'm even more proud of myself for working out last night. I really need to drop some pounds before Christmas and New Years. I don't know why I wasn't thinking of that when I was devouring carbohydrates over Thanksgiving break. I will eat vegetables... green vegetables and I will try to not eat so many breads and sugars. I need to make my health a priority at all times. I was drinking water most of the time but I wasn't really sticking with the eating right. I also need to work on just being free. I feel like the pressure to be thin is a lot. I do really want to drop weight but I don't want to be unhappy while doing it. 2.5 hours is the minimum for losing weight. I need to surpass this. 3500 calories burned is 1 pound so my workouts should burn more than 700 calories a day to lose a pound a week. That means I need to spend more time on my elliptical machine than I do on my recumbent bike.

Saturday, November 27, 2010

Exercising and Gearing up

Today I exercised at my boyfriend's place on the treadmill. I only managed 30 minutes before I felt like I couldn't breathe that well. I am still sick and hope it goes away so I can feel like I'm really back on track. My eating habits need to change. I feel like I need to surround myself with more appetizing vegetable meals like veggies and hummus or veggies and dip-- but not eat all the dip. I think I want to stop by the grocery tomorrow to get Gyoza and some other vegetable foods. I had forgotten how many pictures are taken around the holidays so I want to work diligently to shed some extra pounds before New Years. I don't want my cheeks to be extra fluffy for pictures. I naturally have chipmunk cheeks but I don't want to look the like I didn't lose any weight from last year's pictures.

I didn't realize I forgot to mention that I worked out on wednesday too. 30 minutes on the elliptical machine.

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

no workout this morning

I definitely have worked out if I wasn't feeling crappy. I feel like this sickness is manifesting itself into something new. Like pokemon evolution except with my throat mucus. Sigh. I will read to see if there is a homeopathic way to heal this and then contact the specialist doctor. I probably shouldn't have went into work but I hate having to reschedule meetings and missing things. I will weigh myself when this is all over too.

Monday, November 22, 2010

elliptical and I need to read

I exercised yesterday and today. When I watch anime while exercising it makes the time go by so much faster. I think I may even try exercising again tonight on my bike since I exercised on my elliptical this morning. I feel like I'm on the right track again and it makes me smile.

What I'm going to do soon if not today is reread through my entire blog to see where I've come and if I have a new mindset. I'm also wondering if there are foods that I have forgotten that are good for me. I want to be 170 or 160 by February. I would like to look good in a monokini this summer to my standards.

I also want to make sure that even though I'm making my art a priority too that it does not become an excuse to get out of exercising or eating correctly.

Oh I forgot to talk about my mission for trying to eat at my place again. I ate yesterday and the day before at my place. I've been placing everything in ziplock bags and putting in the refrigerator. I did a major cleaning/decluttering session on saturday.

Oh I forgot to mention I have a viral infection right now. I went to the only doctor I knew to be in the area because I didn't know if it was an emergency room or not. I hope I feel better by thanksgiving because I'm still having a hard time breathing at night and in the morning.

Friday, November 19, 2010

chapped lips

My lips are so chapped this week that they are blistering. I thought if I drank more water it would help... but it makes me just pee more. I thought the gained weight was do to my junk food but it looks like my period it the culprit. I have been eating mainly fruits and vegetables for the past couple days which I think is making my lips worse but I'm feeling thinner. Hmmm. Ready for my lips to be healed. I think I need to make or buy some scarves so this doesn't happen again. I only really exercised once this week so I need to exercise today for at least 30 minutes to make me have exercised more than last week. That is sad because I know that people are supposed to exercise like 2.5 hours per week to create a solid weight loss.

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Exercise in the morning

Yes, you read it. I was on my elliptical machine this morning for 20 minutes while watching anime. It could be the reason I'm so tired right now but I am proud of myself for exercising this morning. I think I will just have to exercise when I start thinking about exercising. I really want to reach my goals of being thin even if I'm afraid I won't like how I look when I'm thin. Yesterday, I bought apples and cucumbers from the grocery in hopes that I would feel better about eating in my place. I really wanted to have buffalo chicken or Subway but I wanted to save some money.

Monday, November 15, 2010

Gain but not really

Never weigh yourself when your body doesn't feel like it normally feels. I weigh myself on an empty stomach feeling usually. Today I weighed myself on a full stomach feeling. I will weigh myself tomorrow when I have an empty stomach feeling and see if it's a difference.

I looked at pictures of me from when I was trying out swimsuits in July. I hated how I looked in the pictures. I really don't want to have legs like I did in the picture for next summer. I don't want to wear a bikini but a monokini next summer. I should draw a picture of one and put it on the mirror with a caption:"Did your actions today put you closer to wearing this?"

I'm not sure that I'll be at 160 by February anymore. I need a detox from junk food. Really what I need to do is go grocery shopping at like Trader Joe's or just buy a ton of vegetables and fruits... no more vending machines and I need to eat at less restaurants. I could be using that money to buy anime.

Goals for this week:

Workout more than last week
Eat vegetables inside my place
Throw out Foods that I will never eat and haven't eaten in a long time
Use oil paints for one painting
Get on the recumbent bike when I'm reading instead of sitting on the couch

Friday, November 12, 2010


I did work out yesterday for 32 minutes. I felt like I forced myself to. I need to force myself some more and just enjoy life and stop trying to work every second I'm awake. It felt good to do the work out. Alright this might be TMI (too much information) but it is not a good thing to eat 2 fiber bars in a row like they are candybars. My stomach hurt most of today. It was like fiber overload. Sigh. I'm not trying to gain weight though. I need to eat more salads and like one fiber bar a day. I was boycotting my apple this week. I will have to go grocery shopping on sunday. I have dried fruit at work and but I would like to have some fresh produce to eat too. We will see. I could settle for leftover salad too.

Click on the picture and you will see him jumping.

Thursday, November 11, 2010

I need to exercise

Everytime I want to exercise-- it's while I can't... When I am actually home I can't seem to bring myself to do it.... something is wrong with me. I'm not trying to gain weight,... I am a little afraid of being thin but I'm not trying to gain.... Grrr. I need to find a reward system for myself again for losing weight.

Click on the picture and you will see me walking.

Thursday, November 4, 2010


20 minutes of exercise is not much longer than 15 minutes. I need to not wait until late at night to do my exercising... It should be exercise and then continue working! I couldn't fall asleep last night so I started reading about art (of course, would I be reading anything else right now?). I hope to sell some of my greeting cards this winter to get more people to see my art. I am also going to look into making prints of my work after I upgrade my technical skills some more. I feel a little scattered due to the lack of sleep.

My big question that has been looming for a bit is: How will I look when I'm 130 lbs? Will I like myself? Will I feel too thin? 130 isn't even the ideal weight. 119 is but we'll see how it feels to reach 130. I'm so nervous and excited that I'm 28 pounds away from being considered overweight!

I also want to ask is it weird to love fiber bars? The Kellogg fiber plus bars are even better than the fiber one bars. I will at max have 2 fiber bars a day because I eat fiber in other parts of the day.

Wednesday, November 3, 2010


I'm out of the 190 zone and into the 180s. I'm excited and hope whatever it is that is working for me keeps up.. I did end up eating after 6 last night so I wonder if I would have been lower if I didn't. I worked out for 15 minutes last night. It should have been much longer but I decided to exercise at 10pm. My mind was like just exercise tomorrow and then I started to feel guilty about not exercising that day so I worked out just a wee bit. Today I will work out longer. I'm also trying to improve my art because I feel like it could be much better. I know I shouldn't compare my technical skills to people haven't met but I need to improve my interpretations of shading and structure for my thought up characters. I have also been practicing my animation skills. One idea at a time. I decided not to make my christmas dress so I can focus on enhancing my technical skills.

Saturday, October 30, 2010

Ok.... my birthday is coming.

I wasn't too sure whether I was going to post about my birthday but it is coming up. I made a picture to help me get excited about it and couldn't wait to post it. It was made from photoshop-- inspired from a tutorial I saw on I need to find some new websites to look at art.

Not sure what to say= Long post

I miss working out on my recumbent bike. Being sick all week was awful. I'm at my boyfriend's place wishing I was at mine using my recumbent bike.

61 more pounds until I reach my goal weight. I feel like I should have something to celebrate having reached a third of my goal. When I look in the mirror especially at my arms I often think I, yes, can afford to lose more weight than stay the same. I am making better choices with food and drinking water most of the time. There are times when I'm proud of myself and times of self loathig. Sometimes I feel like 30 pounds is nothing and 60 pounds is the real time to boast. I looked back at pictures from my heaviest point and had no idea that my face was that chubby or that I was oblivious to my weight increasing besides the tightening of my pants. I used to complain of my clothes shrinking not realizing it was me ballooning out of proportion. Sigh.

I did make a video for Sun Ah Jewelry recently. If you haven't seen it you should check it out. Little Bird Falls in Love I'm extremely proud of this commercial but I think it also shows that I have dedication to not just losing weight but also to making art.

I decided after replaying my goals/wants for myself that I'm going to sew a dress for myself. It may not be as fancy as the one I designed but I think it will look cute. I am afraid of making dresses for myself because my chest being so large but I think it will work out. I took the bottom part of a EGL dress and spliced it with the top part of a prom dress. I think I will change the fabrics and color a bit but that is the idea. I don't care if I'm plus size or not when I wear it because it is cute to me.

I also made a video for my Visions Talent First Days of School. I am pleased with this video as well. It is a different style than the other video and it actually was made before the one for Sun Ah Jewelry.

On another note: things I do to remind me I'm losing weight:
Exercise equipment in the living room
Virtual weightloss pictures as computer background
Notes on the refrigerator
Notes on the corkboard next to the calendar
Picture of vegetables hanging above the bed
Picture of fruit hanging in the kitchen
Going to the grocery to buy 3 liter bottled waters and fruit
Going to restaurants like panera and ordering soup or salads for dinner
Wearing comfortable shoes at work so I can move around more

Tuesday, October 26, 2010


Yes. I'm at 191 surprisingly because I didn't "work out" per see but I did try to move around a lot. I'm sick so I'll this this post short. It feels good to be at this weight right now. Hopefully I'll continue to go down at a steady pace and be 170 soon.

Thursday, October 21, 2010


So I got a little more sleep than the night before but no workout. Not really that much time. I spent about 3 or 4 of my waking hours in a car. When I finally reached home I felt like hibernating. I'm behind at work and things I want to do still. Going to fix some stuff right now.

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

No workout and no sleep

I am not managing my time well enough it seems. I was planning on going to bed around 8 or 9 last night so I could get up at 4 this morning. I had been putting off doing my laundry because other things would come up and it was cost effective (money wise) just to wait until I had enough to make two full loads of laundry. I don't know what time I starting washing my clothes but I ended up working well into the late evening trying to put away my clothes. Needless to say I did not work out and also had to rush this morning to prepare my place for the pest control people to come. Hopefully I'll really be able to eat in my place again. I'm tired of so much shopping.

I'm backed up at work. I thought I was planning well but apparently not. I think I need to move a computer so people don't have a chance to ask me to make art for them. I feel like I'm a sucker for taking on too much work. I will figure things out and try not to complain since I must be the one creating the problem.

I also ate pizza yesterday out of craving and the need for calories. I think my stomach hated me for it though.

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

I havent

I haven't posted or exercised that much in a while. I exercised yesterday for an hour and a few days ago I was walking for hours. My boyfriend doesn't count shopping and walking through the mall for hours as exercising. Well I do because the next day my legs were hurting. Sigh. I know I'm going to be exercising this week since my boyfriend is over for the next couple days. He hovers over me when I'm exercising every once in a while pretending like he isn't checking how long I'm exercising for when it's obvious what he's doing.

It actually looks like I might have lost weight even "without" exercising probably from my not really eating after 6 rule. Some days it is more closer to 7 but I don't think I've eaten a real meal after 7 in a long time. I'll get around to weighing myself after exercising a few more times.

Tuesday, October 12, 2010


Work was beyond stressing today. It was an overload of stress that ended up affecting my ride home, my appetite, basically my desire to do anything but sleep. I can't let myself get stressed out at work. It doesn't need to happen especially when it was going so smooth. I had contemplated just going to sleep for the rest of the evening until I received a random text from my coworker asking if I was ok. After a few texts it started to sink in how much I was letting the situation win over the desires to be happy.

I had really wanted to try the new Spicy Chick-fil-a food since I had a coupon to get one free. I surprised myself when I didn't eat all the food and I took off most of the bread to the sandwich. I was so proud because I used to eat all of the food that was given to me no matter if it was too much food or not.

I bought a lottery ticket. It wasn't so much that I needed to buy the ticket. I just wanted something new to look forward to. It would be nice to win but the suspense of the drawing got me excited.

I ordered some tv shows from the library to watch while I workout.

Monday, October 11, 2010

Fiber One

I really think fiber is an important thing to have on a daily basis so I did a taste test today with the Fiber One "Oats and Chocolate" to Target's store brand version. Fiber One tasted more natural than Target's but they both tasted alright in the first place. Fiber One's bar is only a few cents more in comparison so I think I'll be getting more of the Fiber One bars.

I always feel like I have much more to say than I actually post like how I looked at the Kim Khardashian workout video only to realize in the behind the scenes (that I watched before attempting anything) that I needed a step in order to do the workout (which, I don't have). Or how I don't eat food from my refrigerator because I the random bug problem that sprung up. I can't leave food that involves oats or flour in the refrigerator or near the sink for more than 5 minutes. I have ended up purchasing all of my fruits or vegetables on my way to work and resorted to eating out most nights to not have the pest issues. It's quite bothersome but it keeps me from eating loads of carbs because I can't really have it at my place any more. I drink mostly water partially because tea also attracts them and so does fruit juice. I might become obsessive about trying the double lock baggie thing so I can start keeping fruits in my fridge again.

Other things that have come up... Even though the numbers aren't changing that fast almost all of my pants don't fit anymore and some of my shirts are a lot looser. I am still wearing the same pants to work because I don't feel like buying new clothes only to have them not fit later. It's like I need loads of stretchy clothes so I can have them longer.

I've also stopped reading to many weight loss stories. They would usually get me sad and then angry that people go through this. I've been basically just looking at my how to draw manga books in order to help with drawing the chibis for the blog. I've been learning a lot from them I think the drawings are becoming more and more complex. I'm excited to find some books about backgrounds and environment.

I feel like I need to make some extra money to support my weight loss ventures. I still think I could sell paintings on the side but they would have to be small like 16x20 in. or smaller so I could sell them for a reasonable price. Meh.

Sunday, October 10, 2010


My sister and I went to the zoo yesterday. It was such a cool experience and such a workout. I should have prepared a bag of snacks too before I went too. I felt like I sidetracked a little and need to focus. I need to get a good cross body bag that can hold snacks and things for my frequent travels but not make me feel cluttered or like a nomad.

Friday, October 8, 2010

Weighed again: 193

Alright so I knew I had to beef up my workout because I went to a restaurant with my boyfriend the other day so I used the elliptical in conjunction with the recumbent bike. Using the elliptical was the hardest part of the workout probably I'm burning the calories like 7 times as fast as I would on the recumbent bike. I used the bike for 50 minutes and used the elliptical for 14 minutes. Eventually I want to be able to do half and half but for right now I'm not feeling like I'm ready.

Totally surprised myself by my weigh in. I thought I would weigh the same or more since the dinner I ate with my boyfriend the other day was well over 1500 calories. I weighed 193 and I am proud. I feel happy that as long as I maintain exercising it's ok to eat at restaurants occasionally. I wondered what the drop would have been if I didn't eat at the restaurant but I'm happy I'm exercising every night.

I really want to look good at the holiday parties this year so I'm going to fight the temptations of having too much food over the holidays.

Thursday, October 7, 2010

Harder than I thought

So my boyfriend and I go into GNC last night because he is trying to gain weight and I'm looking at all these women pills thinking, "Am I supposed to actually take a pill or vitamin to help me" or is it really a placebo to get me to workout and eat right. I've already lost enough weight the right way to know I don't necessarily need one. He wants to build weight for his jiu jitsu tournaments. I was worried that the protein stuff would effect him too much but supposedly it's not too bad for you.

I tried to use both my elliptical and bike last night after going to out to eat. I know the elliptical burns more calories so I felt like I had to use it since I ate so many calories last night. It was a weird feeling trying to workout with someone else in the room. I usually ask people to leave the room while I'm working out because it freaks me out but I let him stay. While I was on the elliptical, he was on the recumbent bike. It was weird but ok at the same time.

Last night my boyfriend said he would give me an I-Pod touch when I get to 170lbs as a reward for my successes and he said he would buy me a videogame or dvd when I reach 180lbs. He really wants to be apart of the weight loss in some way. I'm hoping getting to 170 is as smooth as I plan. I feel like maybe I need to look up some work out plans too. I'm going to stick to my machines and build up a tolerance for burning more calories.

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Working out

So I worked out last night for I think an hour and 10 minutes but it could have been longer because my timer had to be reset after I took my water break. Hopefully I can keep this up. I really want to eat meat! But I will eat it sparingly. I also want to do my hair in a new style. Since I started losing weight I have been taking more pride in my appearance. I really want to have a trendy hairstyle. My self-esteem has been lifted with how my pants are feeling looser everyday but I'm not buying new clothes anymore except sweaters and coats until I lose a lot more weight. My new prom plans need to start being hashed out so I can have the best time possible. I also need to sell some artwork to help fund some of my plans. Adventure pictures to come.

Also I weighed myself on monday. I am back at 194. I had went up to 196 from eating the baby back ribs and cake and other stuff but the little workouts that I did last week took me down 2 pounds. Hopefully I can lose another 2 pounds this week with eating much healthier.

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Bah Humbug.

Working out for an hour is now surprisingly easy! It went by in no time at all. I took a couple minute break at a half hour to drink some water. This shouldn't be that hard to reach my goal. I keep staring at my elliptical knowing I would be burning more calories if I worked out on it so I think I'll try to work out a couple minutes in the morning on it and then use my recumbent when I'm home from work.

I have to admit yesterday at work, my coworker casually said that she thought this woman who lost tons of weight-- I think like 150 pounds in 3 years was anorexic.. I was offended... You can lose even more weight than that in 3 years without being anorexic... and it made it worse that the person who said this has been skinny all their life and doesn't know the feeling of being fat. There was also the implication that I'm ridiculous fat. I'm obese not ridiculously fat. My BMI is getting closer and closer to overweight. I will not let ignorant comments get me down. If I can stay on track I will be considered overweight by February!

Sunday, October 3, 2010

it's unusual

I came across a picture of me from my previous weight loss and I looked good. I am going to frame it and put it in front of the television to remind me of my goals. My prom pictures were also in the same area as my weight loss picture. I actually did not look bad; I just didn't look like I was going to a prom. It looked more like I was going to a winter event and had big hair.

And, Yes! I finally have my camera back! It has been missing since April and it was finally found yesterday along with all the photos.

Saturday, October 2, 2010

Recumbent Bike and Sickness

Surprisingly using the recumbent bike while I was sick helped out a lot. My max workout for the week was last night for an hour and some change. It was easy to do the recumbent bike for an hour while watching my usual shows. One full episode basically completed my workout. I'm going to keep up my exercises for next week hoping to see positive results from working out. I think I want to use my elliptical more while still using my recumbent bike.

Greatest feeling in along time with clothes. I was wearing my boots that were tight last year and I was able to go the whole day at work wearing the boots. It was so cool. I can't wait until I reach 160 pounds because I will feel more free!

Tuesday, September 28, 2010


I started using the recumbent bike last night even though I'm sick with flu like symptoms. My boyfriend was building it while I was trying to sleep off the sickness. He woke me up to test it out and I was unable to get good sleep after that. I'm tired today but I'm hoping I can make it through work just fine.

On a side note, I saw Kelly Osbourne's weight loss pictures as another motivator. She looked pretty before and she looks pretty now. Not too thin.

Saturday, September 25, 2010

Recumbent Bike

I bit the bullet and bought a recumbent bike to help me lose weight. It was my favorite exercise equipment when I worked out at the gym. Hopefully it will be the same at my place. I'm so excited about it. I will still be using my elliptical machine but this is going to be good. Now I just have to budget my food so I'm not wasting any money. Going to shop at one store to not waste gas and buy the vegetables on sale. Buying frozen vegetables is actually cheaper than buying the fast food people are always talking about and it takes 4 minutes to make in the microwave. It's not rocket science to save money and eat healthy. When I was buying the recumbent bike, I was thinking man I hate spending money but there is more at stake than money out of my pocket. My health is more important than trying to save money all the time. This being said I will have no excuse for losing weight because now I can sit down in front of the television and lose weight at the same time!

I'm not going to weigh myself until the end of my first week of using the bike. My boyfriend is building it on Monday. So I will weigh myself on monday and then after the week to see the difference.

Thursday, September 23, 2010

Maybe I'm trying to sabotage myself after reading fat acceptance blogs. I ate baby back ribs yesterday. More to write later.

Sunday, September 19, 2010

I bought a heart rate monitor

My boyfriend and I went for a walk today with me able to use my new heart rate monitor!!!! I got it today from Target! It was on clearance from $73 to $18. I had been eyeing it for a while when it was $33 but when I saw it today for $18 I had to get it. I wore it and burned 308 calories for my mile walk. I am proud of myself but my fingers were swelling again. They always do when I walk for more than 10 minutes or try to jog.

Thursday, September 16, 2010

I dream of vegetables

I was determined to get my weight back down so I made sure I followed my rule of not eating after 6pm. I got the veggie wrap from Trader Joe's. Part of me thought it tasted sick until I got to the hummus part. I think they need to work on putting more hummus and less bean sprout in the wrap. I didn't workout per se but I did walk around the mall for a couple hours after walking a lot at work. Eating vegetables is not a bad thing it just can be a bit boring. Hopefully I'll make the right amount of time tonight to make curried chickpeas and potatoes. This morning I weighed in at 194. Weighing myself everyday kind of makes me more conscious about my daily intake of food and exercise. I'm definitely exercising after work today.

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

I want to kick it

For those who read this and do not know already. I have a problem with weighing myself. I weigh myself once a day or more if I don't think I have good results the first time (unless I'm not at my place because I don't travel with a scale). The time I weighed myself at 194 it was my first time weighing myself in 3 days. So I was pleasantly surprised. That night however I went back up to 198. I was upset because I knew the reason was because I ate the leftover chicken I had made for my boyfriend the other night. I was determined it was a mistake though and jumped on my elliptical for a half hour. The next morning I was at 196 and my stomach hurt. I worked out again and this morning I'm at 195. I want to kick the heck out of 190 pounds. Even if it means I have to work out everyday. I think seeing the 194 pounds and then gaining was good for me to see. It really lets me know that I can't be "lazy" and feel sorry for myself every time someone mentions anything pertaining to my weight. If I do my best than I can be happy with myself.

Also, to help me work on not being a lazy artist I'm posting my chibi doodles of myself with my posts.

Monday, September 13, 2010

194 what?

Ok, I didn't exercise exactly how I was supposed too again. I tried to exercise while no one was awake so but trying to do aerobics is not a quiet venture. I stepped on the scale this morning to see me at 194. What? I feel like that must have been a mistake but I will take it for what it is! Yes!

Saturday, September 11, 2010

The more I think about my prom

The more I think about my prom the more I want to push it back to when I'm at my goal weight. A prom is going to be a lot of money and I want to be the size I want to be for it so I can try and try the dress on more than once. If I have the prom before I am finished losing weight it will be too big to wear by the time I reach my goal unless I get one of those free at the weight. Xs-s-m-l sized dresses are not really what I was thinking about.

I was looking at Fashion blogs and Art blogs today thinking about how I used to sew a lot of things when I was losing weight before. Now that I have my own place I should be sewing more than just pillows. I can experiment with different things and if I like it than I could wear it. Like playing dress up. The only problem is I have to make sure weight loss is my priority.

Weight loss before everything else. I bet you if I were working out every single day I probably would be at way closer to my goal. Losing 4-8 pounds a month when I could lose 3 or 4 pounds a week at my BMI is kind of like I'm taking my time too slowly or I'm still being lazy about my goals.

I'm going to exercise tonight and tomorrow. Probably stop and pick up a pedometer too to see how many steps I take a day. This is not even just about the scales... The numbers of the weight are one thing, the way I view myself in the mirror about taking charge of my goals is another.

Friday, September 10, 2010

It feels like it's one pound at a time: 198

At 198 and hoping to be lower... If I exercised consistently (like I keep telling myself) I probably would be lower... I'm trying to walk around more. I haven't been using the elliptical as much because it gives a sharp pain in my elbow. I think I'll just cut out the arm portion of it for a while to keep it up. Surprised by my weight too because I've eaten at two Mexican restaurants this week.

Monday, September 6, 2010

Virtual Weight Simulator

This was kind an eye opener for me looking at this weight simulator. 20 pounds doesn't look like much at it but it does help for the over all look.

Sunday, September 5, 2010

All you can eat

So I went to an all you can eat chinese food buffet last night... and I think I binged... on vegetables. My boyfriend was looking at my plate and said, "Your plate looks so green". Then, I looked at his plate and said, "Your plate looks so red". He basically only had meat and some pasta. I skipped the pasta. I usually get Mei Fun but this time I got broccoli, zucchini, green beans, carrots, cauliflower, and some seafood. I had so many vegetables it was awesome. My boyfriend doesn't have much vegetables to eat at his place so I was dying to get some vegetables for dinner. I did have a bit of ice cream but I was less than a fourth cup.

The lady served me sweet tea instead of the unsweet tea my boyfriend ordered. Normally I wouldn't complain about this sort of thing but I was on a mission. I had it switched out and didn't even add a sweetener.

Thursday, September 2, 2010

Found a way to exercise at work

I was sick of dressing up for work. Dressing comfortable is so much easier than dressing to express the people that wouldn't be impressed regardless of how I dress. I wore sneakers to work with a neon colored exercise shirt. It was so much more uplifting to wear workout clothes (with a black skirt) to work than the flats or kitten heeled shoes.

The stress from work knocked me out as soon as I got home yesterday. I was upset by the amount of fatigue I had. I didn't even want to leave my place to do my usual window shopping. I can't let myself be stressed out like this. I won't lose any weight that way.

Oh. I worked out a bit this morning at work. You know the Richard Simmons workout video? Well, the workout move that allows you to workout the abs and the leg muscles at the same time is easy to do. It's like a standing crunch--only one leg at a time. I'm going to try and do 300 of them before I start my work day just to add in a little bit of exercise.

I was going to write about having a love affair with Broccoli but I don't have one yet. I need to eat more of it actually. Looking at candy makes me a little mad now. Like it's out to attack my thighs like a leech-- adding weight to me but sucking out all my energy. I even look at pasta and bread that way too. No wonder nomads were so thin they probably didn't have time to stop at a bakery to get all comfortable with all the processed sugars.

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

I did not exercise but it feels like it

Yesterday, I went out to find some exercise clothes to hopefully continue part of my weight loss journey outdoors. I hate spending money on unnecessarily expensive clothes so I opted to check a few stores for the best prices. I ended up shopping for 4 hours with a salad and sandwich in between at Panera. After all that I did weigh myself again this morning and came out at 199. I was 199 yesterday morning but this feels really good that I'm really under 200 pounds. Now, I need to keep eating mostly vegetables and fruits to get myself down to 160 hopefully by the end of the year.

I woke up and my thighs are sore. I guess I got a workout after all yesterday. My walking throughout the day could be a contribution also.

Monday, August 30, 2010

Have to realize it's all about me

Ok. I still have to admit when the backwards compliments come through it makes me feel like a failure not a success for having myself be out of shape in the first place but I want to please myself by being under 200 pounds this week. I've been working along time already and I'm not going to let some people's awful states of mind push me from what I want for myself. I want to be my own version of magazine pretty and I want to be able to do more athletic things. I definitely don't want to get diabetes or have any more problems sleeping. The park near my place has a lot of potential. There was a meeting that made my whole schedule change today but I'm still going to exercise even if it means crying through it. Need some new music for working out and the library has CDs to borrow!

I will not give up because I'm already making it towards my goal. I believe in myself. That's all that matters.

Sunday, August 29, 2010

Not sure where to go with things

I'm still in the same I don't know what to do about exercising. I did dance in my living room for a bit the other day leaving myself out of breath. Dancing was fun. I really feel like I should find a sport or something that I can dedicate my time too even though I feel like reading would be more fun. Is there a sport I can doing while reading? When I was dancing I used some of the aerobic workout moves that I've done time and time again. I'm thinking I should write my own routines to do to my music so it doesn't really feel like I'm doing the same things and also so I can do it at work on my break if it gets to the point that I'm making too many excuses to myself. I've used the wii a bit too. I just feel like something is not right. I'm also feeling like I'm running out of books to read... I've read so many weightloss stories that they are starting to sound the same but it's still a motivator. There is a park kind of close to me to possibly get some walking/exercising/hula hooping done after work.

Then I realized I'm still afraid of losing weight. Afraid of the backwards compliments I've already started to receive about my weightloss. UGH.

Eating healthy is much easier now. So easy to just eat some fruit and eat vegetables.

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

No Desire to Exercise

Back to Work from the long summer break and I'm feeling no desires to exercise. I'm eating right but not working out. I'm going to gain weight and I know it. I look at the machine or tv and think, "Man if I had the energy I would really use that machine. My body feels so tired". I don't have one of those jobs were you can sit at a desk leisurely going about your day. I'm standing constantly, walking around the room,... even on my breaks I end up needing to do something... but that is not exercise! How do people find time to work out when they are mentally and physically drained after a long day at work?

I won't make it to my goal if I'm so tired after work. I need more motivation.

Edit.... After talking with my boyfriend about the doctors words of energy from exercise I think I might try climbing on even though I'm completely drained.... and I did buy the Richard Simmons "Sweatin to the Oldies" VHS today because I remembered having so much fun exercising to that before (plus it was only a 10 cents)

Saturday, August 21, 2010

Ups and Downs: 200

Drinking alcohol is a big no no for losing weight. It tacks back on water weight. I had to work really hard to lose the weight I gained from drinking alcohol at a party. I ate mostly fruits and vegetables: Carrots, plums, spinach, cherries, grapes, pears, tomatoes, broccoli, cauliflower, dried apricots, some walnuts, and peanuts... I have a new avocado sitting in the refrigerator. I want to make a deviled avocado but I need to remember to save the recipe so I can make it for dinner. It's a lot easier at work to eat fresh fruits and vegetables. This year is going to be easy with lunch. I just need a lunch box. Oh and I'm still eating chocolate-- the Jell-o Temptations Mousse (in Dark Chocolate). It's 60 calories but it curbs my yearning for most of the bad food. Also, Wendy's BLT cobb salad was really good. I ate all of it except the eggs.

So I made it to my first goal but now I don't really want the boxset because I can rent some for free at the library. I'm getting more excited about reaching my goal for the prom. A couple more people agreed to go to my "Prom" so this is going to be exciting. I posted on my bulletin board- 40 pounds until I'm overweight and 70 pounds until I'm normal. I need that constant neutral reminder of my ultimate goal so I don't get too comfortable about my current weight. The glycemic index is posted on my refrigerator still, and my list for recipes is getting bigger (I don't write the steps, just the ingredients).

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Sparked me to try a New Workout Video

Reading a post by another blogger, about possibly going gymless made me remember my exercise video days. At the library, I scoured the video section for an exercise dvd to rent for free because I just wanted to test out one not buy it. I ended up trying the Skinny Bitch Fitness: Booty Bounce dvd. At first when I was watching I thought I'd be a loser for trying it but it was actually fun and with no one watching me I wasn't afraid to mess up. I just had fun with it. I'm not sure I'd do this video everyday but I would certainly do it many more times.

About non-dieting: I think I may give it a try. I'm not going to rush out to buy unhealthy food but I'm not going to beat myself up anymore about occassionally having a piece of cake or some buffalo chicken. I'm still going to eat my vegetables as fruits as much as possible. I hate preparing food so steaming a bag of vegetables is so easy to have for dinner.

Speaking of food: I made this ingenius (for me the non-cook) pesto parmesan stuffed tomato the other day. Cut a hole into a tomato and pour in pesto. Top it off with parmesan cheese. (I would have preferred low fat mozzarella but it went bad.) Then microwave it for 2 minutes.... Eat over a bowl. I'll take a picture the next time I make it.

Sunday, August 15, 2010

Ups and Down: Full Reality: 202

Going on vacation with my family and having my anniversary. I'm at 202. I was at 201 before all this but I'm still working out the reality of spending time with a lot of people. I need to keep up with being about my food regime when out in the company of people. It was fun to enjoy the food but I'm going to keep exercising. I only exercised a little through all the festive activities. I could exercise at work if I really need to find time. This should be interesting. I'm motivated to keep going and it's interesting that people are already noticing the difference in my appearance. I just want to be healthy. So I'll keep eating loads of vegetables and fruits and exercise.

P.s. Going on my boyfriend's treadmill never felt better today! 46 minutes while watching television!

Friday, August 6, 2010

203 and counting

Elated to be 203! I am especially excited because I haven't technically worked out in a couple days. I was worried because I had my junk food friendly family over and I thought I was going to totally cave, ending in gaining 2 or 3 pounds. I only caved a little by having a half slice of pizza (for dinner... with a salad) and eating an eggo (without syrup or butter) for breakfast.

School is about to start again so I need to prepare a remedy for my frequent trips to the vending machine due to me constantly forgetting to pack my lunch. Also, I don't want to rely on the refrigerator because others eat your lunch!

Exercise should be easy then too because I'll develop a daily routine of exercising either before or after school.

People are starting to notice my weightloss. I think at 17 pounds down it should be somewhat noticeable. It will really be noticeable when I reach 30 or 40 pounds. All in due time and my boyfriend finally agreed to stop going to restaurants so much so we both can save some money! I explained to him that we could have a more special time at restaurants if we didn't go to them so often. We could then in turn spend a little more money at the restaurants not being so concerned about the money.

Monday, August 2, 2010

Down to 204

Down to 204 pounds and my self-image is still wavering. I was paranoid after reading so many weight-loss stories- Fiction and non-fiction.

There are some new goals because I have new things I really want. I’m still going to get the box-set for 200 pounds but for 160 pounds I’m going to buy an evening gown that will help me forget my horrible prom—the idea was brought from the bad memories remembered from reading. I was forced into wearing a velvet stretchy dress with a fur collar (in May mind you) because I too overweight for a normal dress and I wasn’t given a say in it. I still cringe in the thought of that dress; prom was so bad I didn’t even have a date that I was trying to get. The “date” ticket was given to an acquaintance’s friend. I need a new positive memory to replace it. I want the works (meaning everything I never got): the corsage, a limo or towns car or heck even a nice sports car, a dress with sparkles, my boyfriend with a boutonnière and tuxedo, the stupid photo standing in front of the vehicle, my hair how I really want it and the wish that the moment will last forever. It would not matter to me if there were a whole lot of dancing—just one slow dance.

So yes, making progress... and with Chai Latte and Chai Tea... oh and don't forget the flaxseeds.

Friday, July 30, 2010

Memories and Renewal

Ok. So it might not be clear already but I have lost weight before. I lost 60 some odd pounds before to be exact in like 10 months or less using a diet and exercising 30 minutes a day. Someone told me I could never lose weight ever and to prove them wrong I lost 60 pounds. I thought I looked too thin but I just wasn't comfortable with myself. People I used to know gave their backwards compliments of "oh you look so good now" and I felt angry. Gained all the weight back and then some. Not all on purpose but it probably was.

I'm not going to kill myself to lose the weight but it feels good to be doing it consciously and for the right reasons. My too thin last time was I think my just being a coward towards the attention I was getting.

I also realized using my period as an excuse is not going to work. I worked out over an hour last night. The first time I tried I keeled over crying about the cramps. I drank some tea, which surprisingly got rid of the cramps and tried again a few hours later.

ORGANIC--- Can I type that again (Oh I think I will... Muhahaha) Organic--- I went to yes, an organic grocery store, this mom and pop kind and fell in love. Getting healthy is going to be easier than I thought with this new tool of mass destruction!!!! I went through every aisle-- I could make homemade Asian Dishes, Vegan Dishes, Vegetarian, and all sorts of healthy choices. I was not naive because not everything that has organic printed on it is healthy but I will overcome.

Oh-- My exercising is going to fluctuate. No more just elliptical. Although, now I'm enjoying reading while I exercise. It makes the time go by much faster.

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Realizing you been insulted.

I never realized that people casually insulted me until I started reading all these weight loss books. I guess you say I was just looking at the good in people and not really seeing them for what they are. Last night I was so upset about it I ended up working out 1.5 hours on my elliptical machine and burned according to the machine over 1200 calories. It's not really about the calories more about how this morning I really dont feel the work out like I would for tae bo. Feeling like a sap, I had forced myself into the last half hour because I stupidly weighed myself in the middle of the night and thought I had gained weight. I peed right after and stepped on again to be the about the same weight from a few days ago. Still at 206.

The best feeling from working out was that I started getting the feelings back that I had when I'd go to the gym by myself in college. The feeling like I can do it. I will see inches shed from my body. I'm also wondering how my body will feel at the weight especially because I'm mainly doing heavy resistance(10-15 out of the max 20). I can do the max resistance but I think I will build up so I'm comfortable and not feeling like I'm going to die. Yes!

I am avoiding the grocery store because I'm tired of spending money but I need some more variety in what I'm eating.

Friday, July 23, 2010

Three Days of using my Elliptical

Three days of using my elliptical in a row. I felt fantastic when the scale said I had lost 3 more pounds. I've been trying to up my fiber intake and yesterday I did treat myself to the tomato mozzarella panini, with a side salad this time. I think I am falling in love with the caesar salad too. I think its something to do with the ability to have cheese with salad and not have too many calories. Anywho, I'm thankful for losing more weight and hope to keep it going. I really think I should by a new anime series once a month if that is really a good motivator for me to get on the elliptical. It was good to laugh while exercising.

Thursday, July 22, 2010

Reading. Depressed Slightly. Empowered A lot.

I read a couple books about weight loss stories. The one I read last night had me so angry I got on my elliptical machine. Yes, a small victory! I think I make have worked out a bit hard because my body was kind of tired and my eyes got all swollen. I also cheated a little; I'm borrowing an anime boxset to watch while I was exercising. If my eyes hadn't been so swollen I would have stayed on it longer. Anyway, I stepped on the scale in the middle of the night and I had gained .2 lbs. So I'm still under but I have more weight to lose. Now, I don't have to fret over the hamburgers I ate the other night. I really want a pesto panini. I keep thinking about them. I might just use the ingredients and put it on a rice cake or something instead. Small post but positive change.

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Conversations with the Fat Girl

I was so enthralled by the book Conversations with the Fat Girl I couldn't sleep until I finished it. I felt connected with it. Empowered and was wishing for a happy ending so much that I couldn't stop until I knew the whole story. I want a sequel. I want to know more but it was feel motivator. This book is going to be on my rewards list of things for losing weight.

Next book on the list is: The Fat Girl

I think the reading about weightloss/nutrition is a big section of my life right now. I still want to motivate myself to go out more doing things I really want to do. Like yesterday, I walked around three museums, walked to the White House, saw the Capital building, and the Washington Monument. Surprisingly with all that walking and going up and down stairs, my legs aren't sore today like the first time I went to 3 museums with my friend last week. You know what? I want to go back and walk around some more, seeing the zoo and the rest of the museums. Who knew giving yourself loads of walking to do could be a reward?

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

So I was reading

^^ it wasn't a wendy's burger I had; it was one from my boyfriend's house.

I was reading back through my posts and I think I need to try even harder. Exercise is the key and I haven't motivated myself to do it but now I have that boxset promise staring me in the face. I don't think I want a Coach Poppy Wristlet for 180 pounds. It should be something better than that, like a trip to the zoo or the rug I really wanted from Target. My mind was playing with my emotions yesterday and I gave in. I ate 2 hamburgers without reading the label first to see how much it would effect my eating. I was upset with myself after I read the label this morning. Feeling like I took steps backwards. Also, I'm reading, Conversations with the Fat Girl. So far so good, I would not consider gastric bypass knowing I can lose the weight by myself but I'm interested in seeing how the fat girl deals with her friend who lost weight that way.

Monday, July 19, 2010

Vacation and 9 lbs to first goal... Eww to TGI Friday's

This weekend my boyfriend's family and I went to New York on vacation. It was great, even the eating part. We did so much walking that I thought I'd be sore the next day like I was when went on my trip to the museum. Interestingly enough the calories listed with all the food helped me to stay focused on eating appropriate. Of course my restaurant loving boyfriend wanted to go to a restaurant. I was shocked that his favorite restaurant, TGI Friday's, had so much unhealthy food. Even most of the healthy looking things were unhealthy. I was too excited about ordering a cobb salad after seeing it was one of the only things on the menu less than 1000 calories. Needless to say, I will try to sway him some about how much we eat at restaurants. The health book series I'm looking at currently, "Eat this, Not that" was an eye opener too. I cannot help to think no wonder I gained so much weight after looking at all the things from the do not eat side as things I ate on a regular basis. Still need to focus on exercising but at least eating is on the right track. Oh, and I'm going to try the Chick-Fil-A fruit cup this week. It's got me excited about being able to eat "Fast Food" when I go out with people to the mall. A side salad and some fruit sounds like a great meal to me.

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Brussel Sprouts, Broccoli, and Flax Seeds

The Food bible is giving a lot of inspiration for the foods that I need to eat. What is working the best is the use of the Glycemic Index on the refrigerator. I wrote it on hot pink paper so every time I go in there I have to look at it.

My shopping trip to the grocery store lead me to buy: dried apricots, brussel sprouts, broccoli, and a few other things. I'm wondering if I'm going to like the brussel sprouts. I havent had them since I was a child. I was also looking at the idea of using flax seeds in my yogurt and salad. One serving provides 36% of the fiber a person need for the day. If I use that I can play around with other foods that I eat for the day. The Fiber poptarts were my way to get fiber before but I am looking for a more natural take on having it.

Exercise: In my efforts to motivate myself in exercising I'm collecting images to put on my wall to show me I'm not the only one who will be working out. It should work if I have something to look at. Using the gym could be considered an excuse since I already have gym equipment.

Watching the joggers yesterday was really nice. Almost all of them looked fit.

Saturday, July 10, 2010

Pool Party

So nervous so nervous, When I realized I had to wear a swimsuit to a party. You know what I did. I bought a new swimsuit. Well the top anyway. I had a bottom that fit already that I've never worn because I couldn't find a top. Target with its limited selection was able to give me a top that I couldn't be more happy to own. I felt sexy, and beautiful. And you know what I was the largest at the party but still looked cute.

Before the party, I got the Food Bible from the library. It's an interesting book so far. It had some pretty good insights about what to do to eat and how it can affect the body. I wrote out the glycemic index and posted in on the refrigerator to remind me of the foods I should be eating. Hopefully all of my sublimial messages and constant reminders of what to eat should help me in making more of the right food choices.

My main concern is now the helpful push for myself to exercise. I hope I can do the same thing for exercise as I've done for food. Rearranging my elliptical to be staring at me when I wake up should be doing something. Maybe I should decorate it with Hello Kitty or something. Also thinking about buying a television for it so I can watch television close up rather than far away while I'm exercising.

More to say but got to go!

Friday, July 9, 2010

Cleaning the fridge!

I cleaned out my fridge last night learning how much food I've wasted by not really buying what I like to eat and also over buying things. I also took time to wash and cut vegetables so when I want a snack I just reach in to grab a baggie of vegetables. This should be a habit for me to continue. I also put a list of foods on the refrigerator to remind myself of the good things to eat. It still makes me mad how much I noticed in stores of them promoting the unhealthy foods and then hear that the same time about the obesity soaring.

My sisters and I were at Claire's, an accessories store. Don't get me wrong I love shopping at Claire's but most of their food jewelry was junk food. They had sushi but not just a vegetable necklace. It had me thinking... "Oh yeah, kids hate vegetables"... but then, "Aren't they just programmed to hate them when celebrities and cartoon stars are plastered all over different junk foods"....

Any who, I made the fridge a lot more orderly to hopefully not waste so much food. It's meat free now. If I make fish, which is the only thing I can find in small quantities besides beef cubes. I will get it fresh and only the amount I'll need for the meal. Otherwise I know I'll waste it.

I was also thinking about the idea of breakfast... bacon, eggs, pancakes, the whole works. Why does it have a specific category for what you eat in the morning? This morning I ate salad.

Thursday, July 8, 2010

Hearts of Palm and Salads

My friend came over last night to watch a movie. He said "let's go get something to eat". I suggested that we cook something instead of spending loads of money on restaurant food. Frankly, I was not looking for the calories either. He decided we should get some more ingredients after going through my refrigerator. It was wonderful. He taught me some things about how he makes salad and everything wasn't terribly expensive--- except for the Hearts of Palm. It tasted like artichoke, which I loved but I didn't care for the price tag. $5.59 for a jar! He explained that where he normally gets it they run for 3 something. (I didn't mention how hard it was to find in the store either. I am laughing thinking about it now. Literally had to climb on the cart to reach it over the top shelf.. only one in the store.)

My salad consisted of: Romaine Lettuce, Blackberries, Hearts of Palm, Sunflower Seeds, Tomatoes, Craisins, with heaps of deliciousness.

Simple enough salad.

Oh I meant to mention that my emergency pack is near completion. I did remedy my urge to eat loads of bad food by ordering a salad instead of the burger and fries when I took my little sisters shopping. What I need to find is a reasonable size lunch bag to put the emergency food in. I never had a normal lunch bag growing up so I don't know where to get a good one or what I should look for.

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Emergency Health Food Pack?

I need to come up with something good to eat when I'm on the run or if I plan on spending a lot of time with my processed food/restaurant loving boyfriend and junk food friendly family.... I gained a pound since yesterday. This could be water weight but it also could be "I couldn't resist eating those fattening cookies" weight. Disappointed in myself for giving into the cookies.

Back on track today with my fruits and water. Had a bowl of cereal with soy milk. I am going to have some greens tonight but I'm not sure what kind yet. Possibly could stop back at the store to get a salad or something.

Still looking at the Four Day diet book, more for motivation than anything.

Thinking about selling paintings to people to raise money for a recumbent bike. So I can easily work out for hours like I used to at the gym. People keep saying they want to have a painting so it shouldn't be too hard to get one.

I will brainstorm my emergency list later and post it. Hmm. Maybe a book might have some suggestions.

Sunday, July 4, 2010

Totally forgot

I bought organic Yogurt this week. I was opposed to buying it before because dairy makes me sick sometimes but not the case with this yogurt. Mixed with fruit and applesauce it was awesome. Another thing I bought--- sugar free Popsicles. Great for snacking if you want something sweet without going too far. Loved them.

Also I didn't mention that I started muting the Wii and playing my own music. Very soothing. It was so much more fun with my own tunes.

Watching sports on my television is also a big motivation technique. I love watching track and field. It's so awesome to see them with all the muscles running at top speed to victory. I already have strong legs; I just don't have the physique yet.

The california sushi rice bowl was alright. I didn't like the avocado as much but it was probably over ripe.

Weightloss with Glitches

I weighed in today at 210lbs. So that means I guess I'm doing a better job than I thought. Reaching for the fruit whenever I'm moderately hungry because I don't have to do anything to prepare it except washing it. Also, I ate this amazing salad last night. It was spinach with this other dark leaf, cheese, bacon, tomatoes, and croutons. I didn't eat much croutons, cheese, or bacon but it was awesome together. I will try some version of this during the week to break up eating rice. Also, my oven is reeks of gas when I use it so I won't be using my oven until it gets fixed. Last time I used it I was nauseous, the time before that I vomited.

Exercises of the week: Wii Fit, Tae-bo, and belly dance. Mostly the wii concentrating on ab strength exercises and jogging.


- Try to do the elliptical for at least 10 minutes a day since I ate cake and cookies.
- Make a salad for dinner one night.
- Practice ways of making exercising fun!

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Need a back up plan

My Ode to Buying Fruit Painting (Acrylic on Canvas 18"x24")

So hanging out with people I think is a deterrent for eating correctly. My motivation seems to sway towards eating not as healthy. I swayed yesterday but only somewhat. Buying fruit was somewhat of a saviour for me because I tried to use it to take my appetite from eating the bad food. But I only had green vegetables in the morning. Asparagus for breakfast. Shrimp is not that bad but I had the heavily breaded kind.

My plan should be to remained focused and if all else fails look at the vegetables and fruits that should be stocked in the freezer.

I was watching Rachel Ray yesterday and this guy from Celebrity Fit Club was there. He was talking about adding plain lemon to water and drinking it. Not even adding a sweetener to it. Just drinking it as is. I actually used to drink lemon "shots" (quickly drinking lemon juice in a small glass) everyday when I was losing weight before. The diet detox book promoted was at the library so I borrowed it to see what I already use in my own life.

Partial Disaster: I was trying to make sweet potato fries that I saw in this low calorie cookbook from before. Except I didn't have the book in front of me and ended up burning the fries tossing most of it away. What I did try that was unburnt was great!

Sunday, June 27, 2010

Goals for this week: Think Vegetables

One of my main goals for this week with my weight loss is to make a California Sushi Rice bowl. I may cut out the nori because it's $5 for like 2 sheets but I'm not sure. I could like it and have enough to eat another time in the week. Not completely sure yet. I'm going to work really hard to exercise everyday this week either by video or by elliptical or a little of both. A blog i read had someones story to success. The person said they exercised everyday because they ate everyday. This should be on a poster or something!

Another goal is to post my art for planting the seeds of buying and eating vegetables. I was watching top chef and it got me thinking about if I could remember eating vegetables a lot when I was gaining weight. I probably wasn't since I can only remember being stressed over college and eating at fast food restaurants between working two to three jobs.

Take pictures for the weight loss journey to visually see the difference.