Need a back up plan

My Ode to Buying Fruit Painting (Acrylic on Canvas 18"x24")



So hanging out with people I think is a deterrent for eating correctly. My motivation seems to sway towards eating not as healthy. I swayed yesterday but only somewhat. Buying fruit was somewhat of a saviour for me because I tried to use it to take my appetite from eating the bad food. But I only had green vegetables in the morning. Asparagus for breakfast. Shrimp is not that bad but I had the heavily breaded kind.

My plan should be to remained focused and if all else fails look at the vegetables and fruits that should be stocked in the freezer.

I was watching Rachel Ray yesterday and this guy from Celebrity Fit Club was there. He was talking about adding plain lemon to water and drinking it. Not even adding a sweetener to it. Just drinking it as is. I actually used to drink lemon "shots" (quickly drinking lemon juice in a small glass) everyday when I was losing weight before. The diet detox book promoted was at the library so I borrowed it to see what I already use in my own life.

Partial Disaster: I was trying to make sweet potato fries that I saw in this low calorie cookbook from before. Except I didn't have the book in front of me and ended up burning the fries tossing most of it away. What I did try that was unburnt was great!

Goals for this week: Think Vegetables

One of my main goals for this week with my weight loss is to make a California Sushi Rice bowl. I may cut out the nori because it's $5 for like 2 sheets but I'm not sure. I could like it and have enough to eat another time in the week. Not completely sure yet. I'm going to work really hard to exercise everyday this week either by video or by elliptical or a little of both. A blog i read had someones story to success. The person said they exercised everyday because they ate everyday. This should be on a poster or something!

Another goal is to post my art for planting the seeds of buying and eating vegetables. I was watching top chef and it got me thinking about if I could remember eating vegetables a lot when I was gaining weight. I probably wasn't since I can only remember being stressed over college and eating at fast food restaurants between working two to three jobs.

Take pictures for the weight loss journey to visually see the difference.

Zoo

Picture of my favorite animal at this zoo.
The White Tree Frog.

My boyfriend surprised me with a trip to the zoo, which means lots of walking. Luckily my new running shoes did not make me feel exhausted at all. We even walked around after the zoo. I ate moderately healthy today but I will do better next weekend.

The belly dance video was amazing and my arms felt the burn. My coordination was off a bit in some parts but if I use this video at least once a week I should see some results in my arms at the very least. Imagine having to hold you arms above your heart for almost a half an hour and suck in your stomach for almost the whole video. It was hard, if you don't believe me try it yourself. You will look at your arms differently. My favorite part was the hip drops. They are so much fun!

Party, Paint, and Past

The biggest note to self: Trust your intuition about food.

Remember yesterday about saying to bring some vegetables and fruit or something to the party for me to eat. I should have listened to myself and not had doubts. I did not realize it was going to be like a college party so I thought, “No they usually make fruit salad or fruit cocktail”. Not this time, it was like a plethora of unhealthy food. Not in the sense that everything was unhealthy but everything was paired up with bad things. The fruit had candy on it and the vegetables had fattening dip. I should have also considered how naturally thin were going to be there.



Sigh. Afterwards I really felt like the burn literally. I should have just starved myself. My body was telling me to never do that again or it would make the pain even worse. It made me think about how I cook differently now. Not a lot of butter used, no milk (only soy milk), little cheese now, only olive oil, baking meat when I do have it, vegetables, tofu (yes!), and fast food is now basically a chick-fil-a salad. This feels like the good life. It’s only when I eat at my parents’ house that I get queasy after it. I think I should discuss that with them because if I feel that way they might also feel similarly after eating.

I bought this belly dance workout video that I used to do. Thank you thrift store for always having something cool (at least to look at)! The dvd was only $3. Hopefully I’ll still enjoy it like I used to. Reading other blogs made me feel lucky that I have my own elliptical machine and the ability to do loads of different exercises. Part of me is wondering how much fat I have in comparison to muscles since I used to workout every week at college. For awhile it was everyday and then I started making excuses to not have to go in there after getting really sick (2 weeks of a gym induced cold) from one of my intense workouts. If I had not been eating a plate of eggs (probably like 5-6 large eggs) everyday while going to the gym I would have lost more weight. Following my brother’s weight training plan was making my muscles toned and larger in my arms and my stomach was going down. When I switched gyms people would say how weird it was that I lifted that much weight and still remained my weight. CAKE! CAKE! And more CAKE! :(

I am going to put mental notes in my kitchen to help me not forget my goals with eating and living right. I painted a picture with a cupcake on it before I had thought about the consequences of seeing it everyday. Maybe I should try and sell it. I want to have healthy reminders of what to eat rather than what not. Positive Motivation! Should have pictures of fruits and vegetables.

Fibers: I didn’t know there are two types of fibers. Mainly it said what I thought it would say. Dark leafy greens, vegetables, and fruits.

Random Weigh in

Well, I must be doing something right. I got on the scale today and weigh 8 pounds less from when I started. At first, I was nervous. Something was telling me to just do it. So I will keep up eating way more vegetables than meat and pasta. When I do it meat I will try to make it fish. I think I am going to try buying some sugar free popsicles to help myself not be tempted in eating the soy ice cream. Let’s get this straight--- Soy ice cream is half the calories of regular ice cream and I only eat it in the serving size suggested (a half cup). Sugar-Free popsicles have like a fourth of the calories of soy ice cream and are probably naturally healthy.

Last time I lost weight I ate popsicles a whole lot and I don’t know why I stopped exactly. I think I ended up switching popsicles for cake. Hmmm, maybe since I’m the one buying all the groceries now I won’t run into the same problem. There is a party today that I was invited to, which means that I probably should go to the store to bring some fruits and vegetables. Speaking of vegetables, the vegetables that I had last night were great until they hit my stomach--- possibly a little too much garlic in it. I put strawberries in the vegetables to make it a little more “meaty”.



Also the last time I didn’t eat bread and replaced it with iceberg lettuce. Now I’m not eating bread because I refuse to buy it and because the calories in one slice of bread are ridiculous. Brown Rice it is. My brother is willing to take my 2 pound bag of white rice off my hands. I am interested in fiber. Those fiber pop tarts were really delicious but sadly too much processing and calories. Also, I’ve been thinking about taking a multivitamin pill. I tried doing it before but ended up forgetting about them. My boyfriend binged ate all my gummy multivitamins because he loves gummy candy only these were 10 dollars a small freaking bottle vitamins! It should have been “girls only” vitamins then he wouldn’t have touched them.

Today I’m going to compile a list of fiber filled foods and make a list here to remind myself of what to buy at the store.

I’m wondering how many people use a natural sugar versus the white granulated sugar. Does it really make a difference in terms of weight loss?

I’m feeling good that I’d making some progress. Maybe I should set up goals for myself.

200 lbs: Anime Box Set
180 lbs: Coach Poppy wristlet
160 lbs: A big easel for painting
140 lbs: To be announced
120 lbs: To be announced

Ok. I was looking at the Manga Recipe book for the California roll: Avocado, Cucumbers, Rice, Nori (Seaweed), and Imitation crab meat. That sounds like dinner in a bowl to me… It doesn’t have to be sushi but I could try making it in a bowl.

Fighting

Fighting with a loved one about your weight is never a good situation. I have not shared this new weight loss blog with many people on the concern that they might try to judge that by making a mistake with my eating or exercising that I am still in a fattie mentality or am just thinking not really doing anything. Sure everyone has body issues but when you are a current fattie people may look at your body issues as something more.

So what the hell! I'm not perfect but I am working on making the right choices with food and by myself because no one is patting me on the back everyday to tell me good job. Geez, I can see this road is going to be hard. First step in my journey was attacking my kitchen with a look of a monster!!! Muhahaha, I said when I looked at my cabinets and said I will not eat you any longer. I refuse to spend my money on cheap junk food when I could use those dollars to buy better food! Also, the cookbooks (even though I'm just OK at cooking) tell me things to look for at the grocery store. If you look through them long enough you start to see patterns. I'm not counting calories or binging on the "healthy" foods. I'm looking for things I like but healthier and in moderation.

Yes, I may eat dessert foods from time to time and yes, I may not exercise the same as everyone else but I will find what I actually like and stick to it.

Second, Working out! If only there were some sport or exercise that I loved doing that I wouldn't mind doing every single day. That same feeling when you go out to eat with your friends and you mention your allergies. I'd like to say I'm allergic to not exercising so make sure you hold the laziness. I don't want it to make me queasy after dinner! Sigh. Aerobics is fun. I already wrote about somethings I've already tried although I forgot to put down the belly dance videos. They were excellent but it makes you wonder if you are doing it right.

Eating in Moderation?

After watching that movie Food Inc, it has me thinking about my food choices. I've already decided to cook less red meat but that it on the basis that I don't like cooking it that much and it's on the expensive side. Yesterday going to the Asian restaurant for lunch was pretty good. I ended up taking a lot home. I also have 2 new cookbooks from the library that probably not posted about already.

The Manga cookbook because I love the illustrations and some of the recipes look easy enough for me to make or at least to motivate me to eat better.

Get this---- Anthropologie had these super cute rice size bowls that I had to snatch up for $3.95 a bowl.... super steal I think. Especially because it matches my china for the most part. I'm still going to get a couple more else where to have some variety but I'm so excited.

Trader Joe's is so amazing. I bought some eel sushi, Shrimp Gyoza, Chicken Gyoza, and a couple other things for 20 something dollars. I'm concerned about the sodium content in some of the gyoza but it still is healthy compared to some of the other things out there. Especially since I'm not eating them with anything else.

Gyoza for brunch

I was really hungry and knew I would fall victim to the soy ice cream if I didn't figure out something for lunch quickly! Rummaging through the freezer I found the Vegetable Gyoza I bought from Trader Joe's the other day! I was nervous about trying it, I had to admit but in the microwave it went. For only about 3 minutes or so in water. Drained the water.. sprinkled some lite soy sauce. Deliciousness!!! Yes!!! I want to buy bags and bags of this! It was only about 3 or 4 dollars a bag with 3 servings in each bag. I was a little hungry after eating the serving but I had this feeling the hunger would subside and it did. Yes. I also wonder if there is a recipe for this... meat or vegetable.

Julie and Julia

I was at the library yesterday looking for books to help me with my ok-cooking self. Julie and Julia was sitting on the shelf. I had wanted to see the movie but I had no idea it was from a book. That book was definitely in my to check out pile. I was upset though because yet again I would have to go to more than one library to get everything I want. Next time I will visit one of the main branches. The cookbook for this week to gaze over is Solo Suppers.



In other news, this is also my time for finding a good track. Sushi with my friend Amy . And off to see if the Asian food market is open.

Losing weight or a better self image

Toting the image of success can be hard when you are at sometimes self-loathing. I for one have had a hard week in the department of displaying my best attributes as a person. To myself I'm outgoing in terms of going to the library, trying newre foods, and watching obscure movies. To others I display a shy persona. I don't know if I necessarily need the world to view me as a fit and outgoing athlete ready to take on any challenge. My new shoes made me feel like I might have a real shot at running with their perkyness. I used the elliptical less than I should have this week letting the loathing part of me come out and say why does it really matter.

My diet is improving for the better. Instead of running for the chips and dip, I was running for the vegetables. Although, when I get there I am at a loss for what to do with them. I used part of the scrambled tofu recipe in order to make a different kind of stir fry this week. My freezer is also stocked with a lot of vegetables thanks to Trader Joe's. It was difficult to find the store but I definitely will be back there again.

Surprisingly, asian films also influenced my eating habits. I am trying to use the saucer more and more to serve myself dinner so that I have to force myself to go back to the kitchen if I really want another plate of food. Seeing how I'm lazy enough with cooking, I eat less because I really do not feel like going through the process of waiting a minute or 2 to reheat more food. Yes, one small sort of victory. I love how the asian films show them making mounds of food and then only eating a little bit of the food. I really want to be like that. Of course not letting the food go to waste but telling myself...really it is ok to stop.

Another day of Questions

I bought my first pair of running shoes in my life and I excited about the running I should be able to do. I got the Nike Air Max shoes. They seem like they should help from my shins hurting when i run/jog. Now I need to find a track/gym.

My food choices are going to be interesting this week. I have tofu to eat but I also want to have lots of fruit too. My food mission is to try some recipes from the weight loss cookbooks I borrowed from the library. It should be fun. The one I'm looking forward to is the Sweet Potato fries made in the oven. I'm also going to make myself like brown rice. I can't remember liking it before but it's better for me and cheaper than white rice so it's worth a try. Rice is also cheaper than bread so I'm definitely game.

Starting out

Weight:220
Height:5'2"

Lowest weight in adult life: 145.
Used to be normal weight: 185.

I've been exercising regularly for about 2-3 weeks now. Trying out everything to see what I like. It's hard you know to become settled into the idea that I can do it again.
I went to the library recently to get Caribbean cookbooks because almost all of the caribbean people I know are thin. Then, I thought why don't I just get the core ingredients and see how they compare to the weight loss books-- returning to the library for more inspiration. I found vegetarian, vegan, and weight loss books but I also find self help books. One that I read--- Secrets of a Former Fat Girl--- literally made me cry. I was reading and thinking wow, some of the concepts in this book relate so much to things that have just happened. Everytime I read parts of the book it made me even more motivated to get on my elliptical machine.

I'm questioning myself--- should I start going to the gym or just buy another piece of exercise equipment? I love the recumbent bike way more than I like the elliptical because it is easy for me to study things I'm fascinated with or I could just television. I have decided one thing already, new athletic shoes are a must. I don't feel like I could lose the weight I want to without the right shoes. The Jillian Michael's show inspired me to try a 5k race. I don't know about the racing part but I want to run with people--- preferably people of all sizes to get to the finish line. First, I need running shoes. Second, I need to learn to run, and third, I need to do it. My elliptical workouts won't be enough. There are not any good places to run yet unless I run on the weekend.



Ok so you might be wondering what I've so far for exercising and my thoughts:

Tae-bo: I love it. I love the harder ones; the harder, the more I sweat at the beginning. I feel the burn days after so it's more of a workout that I should do if I'm not going to work out for a few days.
Richard Simmons Sweating to the Oldies: Fun and he doesn't make you feel like a fattychan but I don't really feel the burn after.
Jane Fonda: (yes I know it's old) Great but it's intense on the knees if you do the jumping jacks.
Gentle Yoga: I didn't like the first session I tried but I loved the second section. The guy was a total hippie I loved it.
Just my Size Yoga: I felt like it was not enough for me after loving the gentle yoga by Yoga Zone.
Wii Fit Plus: The aerobics, yoga, and strength training are wonderful.
Elliptical Machine: I used to work at the maximum of the machine when I was in college. Now on my new idea. I'm working out a half hour at 80% of the machine. I usually burn 500-600 calories in a half hour.
Recumbent Bike: My favorite machine of all time. I could spend hours on it just exercising away. Maybe I really should buy one even though I know I don't burn calories as fast as the elliptical.
Treadmill: Shins... My shins... Oh the pain. OH the agony. No reall, I can't seem to find a way to get the treadmill to work right for me.
Walking: Used to be a good past time but I need to find places to walk to or to walk around.


Goals: Exercise and exercise some more and try out foods I like that are healthier.