Day off

So basically this weekend is a research weekend on meal prep and exercising. We came to the decision that we are going to go back to doing hard boiled eggs for work and thinking about adding better vegetables to the mix. I'm looking forward to not thinking so hard about what I'm going to eat and also cutting down the times I go to fast food restaurants. I think we need to start making healthier choices overall to maximize the energy we could have during the day. Meal prepping and outfit prepping would take so much stress out of my week. We already are going to adopt homemade pizza night since my fiancé loves pizza. Maybe I could make it pizza and salad night. 

New Youtube (to me):

Untamed Strength-- Alan Thrall

His videos are really inspiring for quite a few reasons but he put so much sense to things I had wondered about from my previous weight loss journey: overtraining and injury... And proper form.

I love squats but I never realized my form was wrong. It would be fun to learn proper form and try to learn the barbell squats. I feel like I should have tried then by now but I'm learning. I don't think I could do them every time at the gym because people hog the free weights but eventually I will work out something. 

I can't remember if I mentioned Nicole Collet's youtube but they (her and her husband) are inspirational for meal prep. We don't have a scale but I can appreciate the time to show every part of the prep. I personally need more seasoning in my homemade meals but we are starting somewhere. We are probably going to invest in meat shears because of their channel. 

I feel so inspired to keep going and striving to better myself. 

 

207.8

That was yesterday's weigh in since I'm not weighing in every day. I don't know if I should just do it once a week or not. I've been working through a lot of emotions this past week which will hopefully help to guide me onto a path where I can succeed with becoming more healthy. Number one: in the past I would always say I couldn't eat something because whatever reason instead I should just say I don't want it. It feels like it shouldn't be rocket science but I really never thought of it like that. Intentionally telling people who ask that you just want to be healthy. Also I'm trying to use the ab machine and back machine so I can activate the sagging stomach area. I'm really trying to engage it as much as possible. I can't wait to see results in the mirror. So far I see nothing but in about 15 pounds I should start seeing something when I look in the mirror. So in a few months maybe. 

209.0

I thought with all the junk I've been eating that my weight would have gone up. Im really feeling like I can get used to going to the gym. I need to continue working towards a better eating regimen. Even though I have been eating junk I haven't been binging except maybe Butterscotch cookies. I really want to get into One-der-land and feel like I'm closer. I know it's one pound at a time. I also decided I'm not going to weigh myself every day just because I don't want to psych myself out of any of the hard work I've been doing at the gym. My pants are looser but the scale isn't really budging so I'm just going to keep on trucking. I really love the arc trainer machine. Eventually I will get to the max speed of the machine on the resistance and arc I chose. Anyway the meal prepping for work is going to happen sooner than later. 

212.0

Err. I thought I was going to do well but I didn't eat well. I stress ate and ate like a third of a pizza last night. I'm ready for change and I can't turn to junk once I get home. Away from home by myself I do fairly well. So I need to plan better for when I'm at home. Take control of the kitchen and maybe I just need to get used to the idea I just won't have anyone else eating what I eat. 

210.6

So I did my long twists so I don't know how much my hair actually weighs now. 

I'm not going to get healthy if I don't make better strides to eat healthy. If I don't eat healthy how are my kids going to eat healthy because my household has a lot of junk food. 

30 something minutes on the arc trainer and 400 something calories. I feel like I was uninspired today with the anime I chose because i wasn't compelled to stay on longer to watch more of the show. 

Overall I guess I just need to make some changes in my routine. I could just rewatching anime I really like and then research and actually try my first bout of meal prepping so at least I'm making some kind of attempt. Then do better by meal prepping for my kids. It won't be too much if I just figure things out.

208.0

Had a stomach bug which expelled what feels like everything in my system. 31 minutes or the arc trainer. 

211.8

33 minutes on the arc trainer but it was awesome! I think I like it better than the elliptical. The Jillian Michaels xl workout pants I just bought did not fit. I think I was too shapely for them. My walmart workout haul came in and I'm too excited to look "cool" at the gym. 

It was really nice to be able to workout to this anime. I felt like I was in full force with the action in the show. 

I also keep watching videos on youtube by people who lost weight like Amynicolaox and Dear Crissy... I really need to get into more health food channels so I have better recipes for fueling my body. One of the videos Amynicolaox had talked about making turkey meatballs. I think I might try cooking them soon. I haven't really checked the prices of turkey at the grocery but it can't be too much. I think doing the plant based lifestyle will help me over because produce is inexpensive for what I buy compared to Chick fil a and Papa Johns. 

I might start talking gym selfies but I'm not sure. I would like to keep track of if I'm getting smaller even if the scale isn't going down. 

212.0

15 minutes on the elliptical. 21 minutes on the arc trainer. For some reason the elliptical just wasn't cutting it today so I switched up with the arc trainer. I think I will try that this week. If I can muster it I think I might try to do a slow stair climber. My knees aren't that great and when I tried it years ago I couldn't do it. Maybe?

212--- I overate. Plain and simple. I'm still full from what I ate yesterday. I ate when I wasn't even hungry and I didn't drink much water. Eh but I did try some great apple pie. 

209.4

Err.. Took out my twists so this number is I don't know but I will take it. Ready to start weight lifting but I'm not sure how to consistently do it. I just want to work out to get more efficient results. Something will stick. 

211.4

35-36? Minutes on the elliptical. Omg today was really difficult. I just didn't have the energy. No gym this weekend but I may do something at home. I bought some instant oatmeal bowls and a quarter watermelon to eat. I have some bananas too. I might go to subway it just depends on how I feel. Yesterday I don't think I ate much protein. 

212.8

36 minutes on the elliptical. I think I need to improve my nutrition. Yesterday I finally figured out what subway's calorie count meant and I ate some sour dough pretzels. I shouldn't have. They were 100 calories per pretzel and provided little nutrition. I feel like maybe tomorrow I will bring my weights to work to lift during my lunch break. Not sure.

212.2

35 minutes on the elliptical. I was watching this anime called RWBY. It's turning out to be a pretty good series. I had to force myself for the 35 minutes because my body was trying to be like no but I knew I could get it done! Working today on eating more vegetables. I was watching youtube videos and looking at tumblr for weight loss inspiration. I don't think I want to solely focus on weight loss because I want to be more than just someone losing weight. Anyway I'm excited that I'm sticking to it. I just have to figure out a plan for the holidays. 

213.2

I just did thirty something minutes at the gym. I decided it's better off if I just try everyday. I think I'll be more consistent if I just try every day. I'm going to figure out where to add in weight training and I also am going to figure out a better anime to watch while exercising. I read back on my old posts and I definitely can get into the groove of things if I just plan better. I actually laid an outfit out before I got in the shower to prep. If I can prep some vegetable meals I might be in business. My kids don't really like when I'm out of the room too long so it will either have to be like a prep for a few days or prep after they sleep. 

I ordered more fancy workout clothes! It definitely means I'm going to be downsizing my crappy fat clothes but at least I will feel cool to myself for the first time in a long while. Need to do something about my hair though. 

212.8

I didn't make any excuses and just did 15 minutes on the elliptical. I'm feeling drenched in sweat right now. I need to change my shirt and go about my business. It feels good to feel like I'm accomplishing something. I was looking around the gym thinking it might be better if I do weights but I know I can consistently use the cardio machines so I should just start using free weights on my lunch break. This can work!!! 

213.6

So I was 216 something at the beginning of the week. I need to continue changing my mindset about how I'm going to do this to just try to be consistent with exercising and just not giving into wanting to rest because I've had a long drive or because I'm mentally drained from what was going on with life. I think I'm going to just try to keep moving. I finally bought exercise pants this morning by sneaking out (the kids were being watched) to have like an hour and a half to myself. I bought enough pairs to wear for work. I probably should of gotten the fancy gym pants but I went for a mix of both the expensive pants and the cheap pants. I feel proud of myself for finally accomplishing towards putting myself first. I was working out in my regular clothes all week.

I think I need to clean up my life. I've been reading and watching videos about minimalism. It's about darn time. If I can find a way to exercise when I thought I couldn't I can find a way to declutter my belongings and relieve the stress of owning so many things to clean and store. I want to have more money to just do the things I want to do like traveling. I'm pretty frugal as it is but I have been wanting to take more trips to just experience the world during my free time. Having babies is not an excuse to not travel. 

ERR

So a lot has happened in my life. My mom passed away and it just feels like I need to get back on my weight loss track for good. I was really depressed and started just eating everything. I didn't think my mother would pass for such a long time. It was so sudden. My grandmother had just passed literally a month before her. My weight feels out of control and I know I have trigger foods. It's Chick-Fil-A and IHOP and anything else with oil and sugar. I thought I would do well by ordering the kids menu and just feel okay with eating it a little but it honestly went back to eating the regular menu because I justified wanting a regular size drink of unsweet tea. I kind of feel like I'm on my own in ways because I really just really hate looking at myself in pictures and in the mirror. Its like why did I change myself to be convenient to everyone. Like life just doesn't go my way anyway so why make it worse? I used to not eat bread. I used to eat breakfast with vegetables before I went to work. I used to enjoy life because dinner was just a meal and not some whole ordeal because things were kind of planned out. I just need to create some normalcy and really just put myself first. My health has declined since my pregnancy started (my twins are now 1 1/2) and with all the stress I feel like I've put on myself it's not going to get better.

I think I need to go back to thinking about the things I want to eat and the things I want to do so here let's make a list of the things that I want to eat and do:

Run on the treadmill: Make it to a 10 minute mile.
Eat nutrient rich foods like clean eating.
Spend more time out of the house enjoying the world.
Drink more water.
Feel good when I look in the mirror.
Not have as many chores to do because my apartment is decluttered.


None of these things honestly have to do with weight loss but I know weight loss will happen if I work towards my goals. I just need to set up like objectives for me to meet to help reach each one. I already have been finding ways to workout in my schedule but my eating sucked so yeah no weight loss.

Hiatus

It's funny how I haven't posted in a long time but I still look over my blog and think about how writing had kept me focused. I cannot say I'm in a good place with weight loss I keep yo-yoing around the same 5 pounds. My life feels like a boring mess despite how proud I am as a mother. Trying to figure out a way to get my weight back on track while dealing with the stress of an unexciting life seems difficult.

I was listening to a program on my journey to work (and yes, every day is journey but a mundane one) and the program talked about how you really need to ask yourself what you really want to do if you had the time or money. Well, I wouldn't be doing what I'm doing now... or at least I would be making amendments to what I'm doing. I would be working close to home to spend more time with my kids, traveling the world, and be my version of thin again. That's really all I want. Not the shopping sprees or the fancy gifts just making time for experiencing the world with my family and being thin.

I've been working on eating 3 cups of green vegetables of a day and eventually once I get used to it I will up it to 5 cups of green vegetables per day. I feel like it's the only way I know how to curb some of the horrible eating. I don't know how I got so comfortable regularly eating foods I rarely ate before like pizza, hot dogs, regular potato chips, sandwiches, and ordering chinese food. I look back to posts of how I used to eat and think if I could emulate some of that into my current situation than that would be good. I also find that the only person really beating me up over being fat is myself. Sure people don't really say that I look good period except to say that I look good for having twins. What does that even mean though? People don't even realize they are insulting me. I even had to avoid negativity from people who just kept going on about fat people and looking at me like oh except for you..... I just want to feel good when I look in the mirror. I want to feel like I'm not robbing time from my kids for working out or wanting to complete my goals. I will try to post more. Maybe that will help me through the weight loss journey yet again.