138.6

So I'm happy with this number relatively speaking. I brought eggs, green beans, and peanuts for lunch today. Hopefully, I can get through work without having a meltdown.

I know

I know my official weigh in is tomorrow morning but I was happy to see my weight went back up to 139 after eating at IHOP. My friends and brother took me out to celebrate the free pancake day. I didn't even eat half of what I ordered but I'm happy my weight went up a little. I want to lose the right way! I felt more energy after eating. I know pancakes weren't in the phase one of south beach but i used sugar free syrup and didn't use syrup at all for the first pancake. Also, I had eggs, cheese, with turkey bacon. My sugar levels didn't feel like they spiked. It just felt like a good meal.

137.4

I think I might need a serious intervention if I keep dropping like this. My heart still hurts. I tried eating and felt like I was going to vomit but didn't (thankfully). I miss him so much and I hate how it taking a toll on my health but it's hard to force myself to eat.

140.2

Still hurting. I hate that I've been losing in the wrong way the past couple days. My mind doesn't care for food at all. I just feel like I'm losing everything right now. I will try to go back to normal eating because I can't harm my body-- I have real goals. I want to be in the Hello Kitty Bikini not in the hospital.

141.3 So hurt

This weight isn't even valid. I stopped eating after my relationship of 3.6years ended yesterday. I couldn't drink or eat... everything just stopped. I feel so hurt right now. It doesn't even feel like today should be happening. I'm under so much stress right now that I want to curl up in a ball. My MRI just happened and I'm hoping it's good news even though it was a painful process.

143.2

I have to say getting good sleep really does help. I'm not sure I had enough to drink but taking seltzer water with me to work feels like it help out a lot. I'm excited to see the number drop. No zucchini yet. I might try zucchini chips instead so I could possibly have taco nachos maybe?

144.0 lbs

Yay! Anywho, I drank a lot more water yesterday and had a lot more fiber. I need to work on getting better sleep. It was better last night but I think it could even be better. I need long and good sleep.

145.2

I think I need more fiber in my diet. I have flaxseeds in my refrigerator that I could start using and I will look up some more. My dinner last night was great tilapia and broccoli. I ended up still feeling hungry so I also had eggs and bacon. I'm wondering if that is what tipped the scale up (eating too much for dinner). I was not going to go to bed hungry. I guess we will see. I had broccoli and peanuts for breakfast and its the same for lunch. I think I might have tilapia again tonight. I also need to work on my exercise regimen.

144.6 lbs

I am content with this number. I think if I want to lose at a good rate I need to make sure I eat less peanuts and more vegetables. I also need to make sure I drinking the daily recommended amount of water. I think I had about 3/4 of it yesterday. I also am going to actually exercise today. My "workout" yesterday didn't really do anything for me but I will persist. I will need to start doing workout tapes or something until I can get the ok to go back to Zumba. It feels like it's been so long.

144.8 lbs

I had a good time going to the movies last night seeing the new Studio Ghibli film. It was a nice semi-relaxing evening. I had popcorn while watching the movie but didn't have anything to drink. I'm hoping by the end of this week to be at 142 or lower. I'm going to be exercising as much as my knee will allow. It was hurting after the movie.

Posting because I'm bored

The ground turkey breast naked tacos turned out great!!! No real carbs and it still tasted like tacos. I'm going to eat them until I run out of the meat. It's fairly inexpensive to make them. I opted out of using the greek yogurt (sour cream substitute) because I'm not really sure that I'm supposed to be eating it on the plan. I probably wouldn't have hurt anything considering I had little bits of rice yesterday and still lots little bits of weight. I went to Trader Joe's after going to take the Orbital Xray and had a really good time looking around at stuff that could be included on the plan. So much stuff there. My next real recipe to try is the zucchini lasagna. I was going to pick up the zucchini today but I didn't feel like it because I was not sure when I actually am going to make it. Hopefully I can find some more recipes. I keep wondering if zucchinis or radishes can be turned into chips so I can have taco salad with chips. I also need to find some more snacks to make because I really am not trying to have sucralose all the time. It's not that I don't think it's helpful for the plan. It more that it's irritating to rely on sugar to get this. I want to get rid of the feeling to need sweets.

The idea of being 119 is looking more and more appealing everyday. The party I went too I still felt self conscious about my size because I knew I was bigger than my step sisters and my outfit wasn't helping. I knew no one really cared about my size deep down but it was weird nonetheless. They are sizes 2, 4, 6 and I'm still in a size 8-10-12 after all this. Also, I went to an anime convention and felt like I would be much more comfortable if I were smaller. My outfits would look really good with knee hi socks that don't look like they are cutting off circulation. I will keep pushing to be the smaller weight. 119 is supposed to be in the middle of the normal BMI so I could go lower. I won't stop at 130 because if it's anything close to the size I am now that's not going to work for me. I need a smooth physique not ripples. If I really do get to my bikini by the summer I'm buying some gucci shoes or something with the money I saved from not buying junk to poison my body.

145.6-145.8

I stepped on the scale and this is what it came up with. I ate some rice and pork last night so I'm surprised but happy that I can just keep it pushing. I'm going to pick up lettuce today so I can make turkey tacos. I will let you know the results. Also going to the doctors for my orbital X-ray so hopefully that goes well.

146.6 edit 146.0

I am upset at this number. I went to a party at my parents expecting it to have vegetables. Not a single vegetable at the party. I mean not even a tomato or anything else questionable as a vegetable. I should have left to get some but the party required everyone to be there. What do I do? Eat cheese and drink water. I lick a candy to get the cheesy stench off my mouth but after a while I just got irritated with myself and them for not having vegetable. I know my weight is not going to stay but I'm feeling annoyed that I'm behind.

Edit: So I weighed myself again and I'm at 146.0 I am more ok with that.

Omg 145.8

Omg!! I weighed in at 145.8 this morning. I really thought I was going to gain because of all the food I had. I had mostly eggs, turkey breast, cheese, Brussels sprouts, and a piece of bacon. I did do something out of the ordinary. I had a long night of sleep and I also drank more water yesterday. I ate less peanut yesterday too. Mainly, because I ran out.

I tried on a dress today

I tried on a dress today and I thought I would have bought it but it had a hole. Anyway pictures.

147.8 lbs

A new low!! I will take it! This new change feels pretty good! I have to say I actually enjoy making myself breakfast in the morning! I need to start making my lunch the night before so I'm not as rushed but this feels really good. I feel a little more prepared for my day doing all this. I really want to try out a lot of recipes before I start incorporating my regular regimen back into this. There are a lot of recipes with zucchini and squash that I should try.

Edit: Also to note! I had a lemon pepper tilapia fillet from the freezer section and a whole bag of steamable broccoli (freezer section) for dinner last night. Later that night I had iceberg lettuce (I know not the best) in a wedge salad with blue cheese and tomatoes.

148.4 lbs

Woohoo!! I feel victorious that I made it through the second day but I think I need to come up with something other than eggs to eat as my go to meal. I am happy it's working. I want to add in spinach to this. I'm not sure if I should use fresh or frozen yet. I should be eating 2 cups of vegetables with lunch and dinner. Also, I need to make sure I have enough water.

Day 2: 149 lbs

I struggled through last night with some mishaps but made it through with one small cheat if you say. I found a bag of popcorn and ate like a 3rd of what popped. I think I could so this. I lost a pound from yesterday we will see what happens today. I spent a little more money doing this eating change up but I think it will help me get into the clothes and look I want. Currently I'm eating cold green beans with sauerkraut... I ate it yesterday for lunch too. I like it.

Day one of trying to incorporate the South Beach Diet

I'm going to try my best on kicking it into high gear for losing the 20 pounds. I weighed in a 149.8 this morning not really feeling empty. We will see how this goes.

Rethinking the doctor's visit

The more I've been thinking about my doctor's actual words the more confused I am about this whole BMI and normal weight thing. If I get down to 140 and I still have the shadow of love handles I'm going to keep going because I don't want to see them. I can't stand them still being here. Also, I'm going to try to do more standing crunches. Anywho, I'm rereading The New Rules of Lifting for Women. I am determined that I will keep dropping pounds. I want an overall way smaller body and I know I can get there if I'm determined! It doesn't matter if I have this MRI coming. I will keep exercising.

Doctor's Visit

I went to the doctors and they told me a few things changing my perspective about my weight loss. First, I thought I was 5'2" but I'm actually 5'1.25", which kind of sucks but it makes a lot of sense. My doctor also said he doesn't think I should hit the normal range of the BMI. He has said this before but I think this time he really meant it. He said he thinks a few pounds above normal would be better for me. He said try getting down to 140 and see how I feel then. Maybe I will arrange a doctor's visit if I get lower than that and see what he says.

I need to get an MRI done for my knees. it's either physical therapy or surgery but more than likely it's the physical therapy. He said I still should be able to run in the spring if I do the physical therapy right.

The Move

The move is finally over. Hopefully, the sleepless nights will pass and the stressed out eating. I ate pizza over the weekend so my weight probably isn't doing that well but I have noticed my stomach is flattening again so things look a bit promising for the future. I wasn't able to move my elliptical yet because it was so heavy but if it could get broken down than maybe it will be alright. My body was so sore and I wasn't really the one doing heavy lifting. Just a lot of lifting and going up and down stairs. I had fish and sushi for dinner last night. If I get some more of the fish through the freezer section I will be good to go.

elliptical:40 minutes and weight training

I did weights yesterday morning and the elliptical at night. I didn't really feel like getting on the elliptical machine but I kept staring at it and thought, What do I have to lose? (weight of course!!) So I hopped on and took a break at 20 minutes to get some water. I think I really can get back into using it regularly while watching tv and anime. Things are looking up. I did eat part of some doritos today but I gave most of it away. I should have ate vegetables again for breakfast but I didn't make enough effort to have it.

I did some weights today and am planning on getting back on the elliptical tonight. The doctor's appointment for my knee is coming up and I really hope it's healed some.

153 and kind of sad

I thought I hadn't gained weight but the scale doesn't lie. 153 pounds... I feel like I lost a month of exercise. I love Zumba but come on... 153? I'll take it because it means I really shouldn't be eating mounds of unhealthy foods on the weekend and snacking M&M's. I've started back with weight lifting in the morning. Bicep curls, dips, twists, tricep thing, squats, and stationary lunges. I will work my way back to abdominal workouts and using the elliptical. I keep staring at that machine thinking just 15 more minutes of rest...