weird mood

Do you ever feel as though you just want to feel like something awesome was going on in your life? I feel like I'm always changing things up but I feel like I'm in a bit of a slump. I'm uploading a progress photo to remind myself of how my weight loss, regardless of how it started is really looking good on me. At Zumba tonight I was feeling empowered but at the same time wondering if the Zumba is really doing my body good. I feel the muscles working but I'm not feeling the results, which is probably due to my diet not being that great. It feels like I eat way better when I'm not near anyone or influenced by my emotions to conform. Sigh. It seems like conforming is all I'm really working towards (not that I really want to). I went shopping at the thrift store (like I normally do because I refuse to pay loads of money for clothes I don't plan on having like 5 months from now) and I was looking at this winter coat. Last year I was so proud of myself for being able to fit in an XL coat but it wasn't warm. Getting to the point. I felt like I could not buy the coat because I was worried about being chastised for it. I liked the coat but didn't love it. The coat I loved I also found at the thrift store and felt the same way. What is so wrong about buying a coat from a second hand store? People eat off silverware at restaurants that have been probably been used by people with diseases and viruses. What is the big deal? The coat was Michael Kors... and it was only $24. Sorry for the rant but I just don't know why I even care because it's not like it should matter to anyone. My weight loss is at a standstill and it's probably due to my lack of will power to get it done right. I know the good foods to eat and I know I need to do more training but I haven't brought myself to get back in the groove of things.

All this weight off my body doesn't change everything. I'm still the same person dealing with real issues. Weight loss isn't some magic trick that sprinkles your life with fairy dust to right all the wrongs. Each pound off does remind you that little by little you can change things about yourself if you work hard.


FYI: The before photo is really a during!

Blaze

Last night I went to the gym to try another gym class. It was about dancing so I didn't know if it was going to be more complicated than Zumba. It was just as fun if not more. I had a hard time in the beginning but picked up things quickly with some of the routines being the same from Zumba. I can't wait for Zumba tonight. I need to remember to still lift weights. I find it pretty interesting how most of these pay per training session Personal Trainers at my gym don't seem to want to talk to you if it's not about them making money. Now that I don't feel anxious wondering if the Personal Trainer hound me I can work out at that gym more. I should have sent the text message declining the sessions earlier. It didn't dawn on me that I could send a text. The trainer makes such a good pitch it's hard to decline by talking.

We will see about my weight. I'm nervous. I've been eating low carb pasta the past couple days and we will see if it's actually low carb because it sure doesn't feel high fiber even though it says it on the box.

Zumba zumba zumba

I feel like I need to dance thinking of those words. Last night was awesome in ways and shocking in others. As some of you may notice if you look at my table for the weight loss, I am creeping closer and closer to the goal. I have a ways to go but I'm well over the half way mark. I'm 66% done. I wear shorts everyday to the gym and last night was no exception. This woman and her friend were looking at my legs. The woman says, "I really hope my legs don't look like that" and started rubbing her legs. At first I was really offended until I realized I hope my legs don't stay looking like that. I worked out harder than I've ever worked out at Zumba.

Injured my toe

I totally injured my toe by my gym shoes being now too big for my feet! My toenail is broken in half.. it looks so gross. I think I need to up my vitamin e and d--- Sigh. I bought Asics last night so I could workout today. When I remember to take a picture, I will. Also, in a mission to try to save money which totally failed-- I'm starting to take steamed vegetables as the main part of my lunch. It bombed because I took my boyfriend to dinner and it cost more than what I normally spend on groceries for the week. Sigh. Any way, I'll continue to eat vegetables but I think I'm going to see about putting chicken in my lunch.

Zumba Yay!!

I did Zumba last night even though I wasn't sure that I'd actually be able to make it through the whole thing. It felt good and I had a lot of fun. I actually felt like I was supposed to be there rather than just laying about! It was one of the most awesome feelings thus far of the weight loss. People where asking how I've been and why I hadn't been to class. I kind of felt like I can keep going and that I'm not failing at this. Also, I was shocked at how many moves I remember not being there for 2 weeks straight! The new routines rocked.

154. Slowly but ok

Really starting to feel better. It's a slow process I guess. I weighed in this morning at 153.9... I'm rounding up to 154 but it's pretty awesome to see my weight going down. I was really starting to wonder if I was meant to be in the Normal BMI range. I had my pesto tuna and broccoli yesterday... It seems whenever I eat the combination of broccoli and tuna I seem to lose weight. I need some better uses for broccoli. I hate always eating it steamed. I wonder what broccoli tacos taste like.

Anywho, I've also realized my stressing about people's feelings is not getting me anywhere but stressed. If they really care about you they are actually there and don't just let things fade away. Recently I've been thinking about how I still have a tendency to put people's feelings before my own in the sake of keeping things flowing smoothly for everyone not necessarily myself. I really need to let go of the feeling of trying to please people. I've talked about this before. It's not a fat person thing even though there are many obese and over weight people who let people walk on them.

If I can make it to 145 by December I would be pretty happy about that. My weight loss is going on a good track even though I bug out from time to time.

thought it was over

I really thought the dizziness would have subsided but it hasn't. Hopefully, I will hear soon from the doctor to figure out what the next step is. This is a little ridiculous. If I can manage going to the gym I will. Maybe just using the exercise bike or something.

bugging out

I put on my shorts to go to the gym yesterday because I feel like I'm missing the gym and I never made it out! I ended up having the bronchitis-like cough until I forfeited... "You win you win body (bows). I guess I will not be exercising yet again". Sigh. I'm surely going to gain weight this week. I was trying to walk around at least so I would not feel that bad for not working out but I was coughing everywhere. Gross! At least my nails look good. I did them last night when I was just laying there. I also made stovetop popcorn. It tastes better than microwave popcorn a little. Next time I make it I'm going to use olive oil (I used canola oil).

Feeling like I need to start over

My body is going through so much turmoil that I'm feeling uncomfortable. I ate candy today because it was the first thing that popped into my head to fix the light headed feeling after I already ate my normal food. Why dizzy after eating? Let me mention that my junk food was previously had all been Doritos and Sun chips. It wasn't like I was eating Snickers and Skittles. I drank a diet soda too because the dizziness didn't stop. I'm actually feeling like I'm eating more than usual. Just called the doctor to hopefully see what's wrong besides me not exercising-- that means Zumba is not going to happen tonight either.

Stop telling me I don't need to lose weight

I look at my stomach and see the pounds that need to go! I'm overweight. I can feel the goal weight approaching slowly but not there yet! I need to keep on trucking even though some of my sickness has manifested into coughing and dizziness. I'm going to look into my blood sugar. I'm wondering if my junk food craze sent my body into a civil war. Sigh. It will be over soon I guess. I stopped eating from the vending machine. If I have enough energy and am not coughing everywhere I will exercise tonight after my nap. This feels a little ridiculous that my body hasn't settled itself but I do get sick a lot.

Reading "New Rules of Lifting for Women"

On the forum I joined there have been many posts about this book "New Rules of Lifting for Women: Lift like a Man, Look like a Goddess". It's a pretty good read with the post modern satire and the strength training facts blended so smoothly. I think I will try lifting heavier weights and see if that makes a difference in my weight loss. I really would be happy if I lost in between 20-30 pounds. Comparing my bulging in my future fitting dress to the flatness of Fefe Dobson's dress was enough to remind me I still have a ways to go. If hardcore strength training mixed with interval training will get me to where I want I will do that and keep Zumba for my fun gym activity. If protein really satiates hunger for longer I will start eating at work. It might make my moods better. Greek yogurt dip and some veggies in the morning might be the ticket for my protein fix.

getting over it

Still sick but finally able to work. I'm so tired though. It feels as if this is never ending. I kept thinking about Chick-fil-A and $5 Subway footlongs. Hungry much? Hopefully I'll just choose the Subway because I feel like I make a better choice with that and then I can also stop by the grocery to get some fruits and vegetables for the weekend. Probably not exercising again today since I'm really tired. I think it's the medication I'm taking-- but I don't remember drowsiness as a side affect.

Still Sick

Blah. My eyes are sore but I guess I'm a glutton for punishment because I'm still awake typing away at the computer. I took off work because I thought my sickness would get worse or spread to others if I were there. Anywho I thought I'd share a reproduction painting I did over the summer because I haven't posted it anywhere and I do happen to be proud of it.

Sick

There should be something great to say about having a day off but feeling sick is not fun. I'm sitting thinking about weight loss and my dreams but most of me is wishing I could be working. My one of my fashion icons is Fefe Dobson. She looks so thin and healthy.



I bought a dress to lose weight to fit into properly I was hoping that I'd be able to fit into it by my birthday but it looks like Christmas might be the time.


Something to note: Even though I feel like I can wear more sexy dresses I shouldn't do that every time I go out. I thought I was going to a club this weekend not a concert lounge. I felt so uncomfortable in my club dress. Luckily I had a blazer on that covered up everything. It was the worst experience in a dress ever. I need to invest in more going out pants. I want to make some distressed sparkly jeans. It might be really cute.

My clothes that I bought in August are starting to be too big. I think I should buy more small/medium clothes instead of a specific number size... I just don't want to be wasting money with clothes if I'm going to be hopefully dropping like 4 more sizes.

Feeling Moody

I didn't work out yesterday.. I walked around and shopped. I was in a terrible mood and shopping usually helps with my moods. Probably avoided the gym so I wouldn't have to talk to people but I should have exercised at home. Today, I'm feeling especially irritable and feel a cold coming on. I'm supposed to be going to a conference tonight but I'm not sure if my body is up to it. It's probably all the snacks I've been eating instead of real meals trying to convince myself that it isn't ok to eat Subway daily and eat other stuff. I should have just ate Subway because I was making good choices there. My grocery shopping was a bomb because I didn't even buy enough stuff to last a week. The thing I really wanted to buy was at the sell by date and I wasn't going to chance it. Grrr.... I didn't even step on the scale this morning because I was having a bad morning.