looked pretty good and comparison

This year's face photo:

Last Year's face photo:


This year's body shot:


Last year's body shot:


I was so stressed about how I was going to look but I actually looked pretty snazzy. I think I looked better than last year. Someone at work commented about how it looks like I actually have a neck now. I don't think it was meant to be a rude comment. I kind of laughed inside because it really is the easiest way for people to notice weight loss; through the face I mean.

Stress of the Dress

Me forgetting that I have two parties to attend for the Christmas Season is stressful. I really wanted that pink dress and so I'm finishing it tonight even though I started it yesterday. It looks ok. Running into the problem that I lost my presser foot for doing the machine.. so it looks like I have to run out and buy elastic for the back of the dress. It's going to be simple and pink.. Kind of excited. I just need have a definitive pattern for the top of the dress.

I've been too hard on myself about my size again. I had looked at some more before pictures and I was a lot bigger. I guess I'm not a good judge for my own size or something.

Christmas Dress?

The christmas dress I bought looks nothing like anything I envisioned it to be.. I like the slinky material though. It's not itchy or stuffy. I'm looking at the photos of myself though and I'm thinking.. I don't really look different from last year. Maybe it takes like 60 pounds to see the difference in a similar dress.... 40 pounds isn't enough... I can see a difference in my face but I am not seeing the difference in my body. Not in this dress. Maybe the one for my birthday but not this one. Sigh.



This is me from when I had lost weight apparently 5 years ago. Oh how it feels like I'm trying to reinvent the past.... I'm not sure my weight but I like how I look in the dress. See the difference? Still a lot to work towards.

not enough sleep

Not enough sleep or something. I'm stressed out this week. Christmas is coming and I'm not where close to being done with shopping and all that. I will wrap presents and finish decorating. My exercising has not been great. I need to exercise a full hour today and go to bed earlier. My dining room looks like it seriously needs a makeover. It looks so plain since I made the living room look so good. I will figure out something today. Not weighing myself until my period is over and stress has gone down some. My christmas tree looks awesome! The Christmas wreath looks even better. I spent hours making the Hello Kitty.. I want to make some other ornaments still... it depends I guess.

hmm

I ended up taking a 3 day break from exercise. I hadn't meant for it to happen. Somehow it did. I exercised today and just felt like going for the whole hour. It was good. I'm happy that I'm more conscious of my exercising overall. Before it would have been weeks before I exercised again. I am not as concerned about being 179 at christmas anymore. I just want to be happy in whatever I'm wearing. Whatever that may be. I went fabric shopping again and didn't find anything. I will find something. But it's not a huge deal because it's more about spending time with people than looking flashy for parties. I should save the money to use for the party I want to hold on New Year's day.

182

I didn't post yesterday because I couldn't figure out what to say. I worked out for 40 minutes on the elliptical and it was a difficult 40 minutes. I don't think I've ever felt the burn in my legs recently like I did yesterday. It was the normal workout but I think because I've been working out every single day that it is now doing something to my muscles. I'm not trying to get buff so I have to watch my protein levels. When I used to work out in college I'd be at the gym for like 2 hours and then eat a full plate of eggs afterwards like my brother would suggest. Needless to say my doctor told me my cholesterol was high because of the eggs. I was told to chill out with them. I don't eat eggs that much right now. I do eat pistachios.... I try to limit how much I have though.

I didn't do a weigh in this morning but I think I'm going to get a double workout in today. 40 minutes this morning and then something on the treadmill tonight. Me and that beastly treadmill.

I went shopping again for dresses and am really getting tired of the styles I want to wear being at like size 10 or under. I only found one dress that I was thinking about trying on until I realized it had dolmen sleeves (which looks bad for my figure). My friend really thinks I should take the time instead of spending countless hours trying on dresses, just make the dress that I really was thinking about. Spend the time looking for a cute fabric. Theoretically it should only take me a couple days to sew the dress if I had the proper fabric.

First Double Date

It was my first double date with my boyfriend last night. I was excited and nervous. I really want to make it to my goal of 179 before christmas and I thought I had more determination that what I showed last night. I caved after some comments were said. They were harmless to someone not sensitive like me. I ended up ordering and eating food that I knew I'd be paying for later. I worked out for an hour after I got home but it wasn't enough. I gained a pound. But it's the weirdest feeling because I had so much energy after eating than I normally do like I wanted to run and jump and skip. I ate a salad before the entree and had asparagus during the entree. NO DESSERT. I had hot green tea with splenda sweetener. I feel like maybe my determination isn't in the right place. Maybe I was too concerned with making a good impression over my health. My boyfriend ate all his food and some of mine. I did leave food on my plate.. just not enough it felt like afterwards.

I've been grumpy today at the thought of having another hour long workout to hopefully help fix my weight. It's said to not workout over 1.5 hours. The new anime I bought should make my workout go by smoothly. I just don't want to feel like I can't go on double dates because I can't control myself.

182 still

probably because I only did a 30 minute workout rather than 40 minutes. I wanted to go out to get another anime to watch and then complete my workout but I got sidetracked by looking at christmas dresses. All of the cute dresses weren't in my size. As i was looking through my size girls kept passing by saying "those are dresses my mother or grandmother would wear"... I winced and tried to look some more but the efforts were no good.

I keep seeing this shirt I would love to wear at The Limited but i'm pretty sure that I wouldnt fit into it while it is in style. Back to the drawing board. Maybe i can find something like it.

This is the sweatband my friend gave me from her vacation! It's so cute! It's not really a sweatband it's a bathheadband. I'm so excited about it. I'm going to be wearing all the time when I work out.

I'm having a hard time not beating myself up over how fast I lose weight. I often feel insecure when people comment about my weight loss to my face. I am sensitive to being made fun of about it and sometimes it really does feel like people are policing my intake. I know it's ok to eat what I want. I'll take a picture of the inside of my refrigerator so you can see the kinds of things I buy. One of the freezer and one of the refrigerator. I have mainly healthy food with a touch of junk like my soy mini ice cream bars and my huge bag of pistachios.

I looked up about being more selfish today. It was more of the need to feel like I should pamper myself instead of settling on so much. I am still at this very moment settling on too much. I had wanted to go out to get some new anime today but something stopped me. I guess there is still time if I want to drive in rush hour traffic to soothe my yearning for new anime since I keep talking about it. You know what? I think I will exercise first to get it out of the way and then drive to get anime and my bottled water!

182

I do admit to eating cake. I should have said no all i was thinking about was how i was hungry and it was right there while i was in a meeting at work. I didn't eat the frosting at least. I exercised for a full 45 minutes yesterday. It was 1.5 workout sessions on the elliptical. I must have been tired from the sugar overload. I did burn 500 calories during the workout.

Still lost a pound. I have to eat much better today. I'm running out of bottled water so I need to make sure I pick up some after work today.

2 more pounds until an anime boxset.
3 pounds to mini goal.
22 pounds until I'm considered overweight rather than obese.
52 pounds to real goal.

before and almost current pics.

So I didn't realize how much of an eye opener it was to me to see this mini before and after picture because the after is in between the goal. I definitely am going to keep losing weight and I think I need to take more pictures of myself to see if I'm on a good track. I haven't exercised for the day but I will after this. My place is cold so I will have to bundle up on the elliptical.

Funny reading. 183 still.

It was funny just reading that Jen from PriorFatGirl just had pizza because I a slice of pizza on Saturday. Except I am trying to lose weight not maintain it. lol. I weighed in at 183 this morning so it's good I didn't gain because I also had pancakes this weekend and regular hot chocolate. I did workout last night on the elliptical machine for 43 minutes doing interval training. I just have to be better this week and continue to exercise. I think I may have to find some new anime because its getting a little repetitive. I'm so excited for Christmas and just 4 pounds to lose to be at my goal for Christmas. If I get to like 175 before Christmas then I definitely have to start posting pictures on here of myself because 175 is my half way point for the entire weight loss goal. So ridiculously exciting. 45 pounds out of the 90 pounds. I think that would make my year.

I saw one of my former classmates from college and she noticed my weight loss. I didn't realize I was out of control with my weight towards the end of college. Which really means me hitting 145 pounds in college only lasted a little bit before it started creeping back on. I want to do this for life. I'm not going to stop eating all of the foods I love. I just have to know to eat them in moderation.

Oh another cool thing. I have a new sweatband to wear when I exercise so my face doesn't get acne from my hair sweat. My friend gave it to me last night! It works great. I will post pictures of it when I remember.

SO PROUD

I'm so proud of myself for getting on the treadmill after my workout this morning. Usually I would just say I would exercise again and then forget or skate around it. But I exercised and even tried running off and on. I managed to run for 4 or 5 minutes out of 16 minutes I was on the treadmill. I really thought I couldn't run. If I keep trying I will get better and better. I had to stop because I was starting to feel dizzy but I am happy that I accomplished that much running. More like jogging. My shin was hurting a little but not like when I used to run without running shoes on. This is so cool. I'm so excited. I think I'm going to do some situps or crunches or something when I cool down a little so I can make up for not finishing a half hour on the treadmill.

183

I don't know why I'm not happy about being 183. I guess I wanted it to be lower. I worked out today for 30 minutes so I owe myself another workout. Possibly on the treadmill if I head to my boyfriend's place. I can feel that anime boxset so close to my hands... and yet it's so far away. sigh.

edit: I'm ok now. I just need to keep at it. I am going to clean and then exercise again since I have the time. a loss is a loss.

183.9

Lol. I'm definitely keeping it at 183. I'm so close to reaching 180. Working out on my elliptical everyday for 40 minutes is pretty cool. I should have been doing this all along. This is definitely water weight that I'm losing but I'm excited. I got to exercise before my weekend festivities get started. I guess I'll be getting on the treadmill this weekend too. So I can keep up with the weight loss for my Christmas goal. I watched genshiken last night while exercising. I was in such a bad mood but losing weight is an awesome uplifter.

fighting with myself

I'm fighting with myself to exercise. It's right in the other room. I just need to get it over with...

185

I weighed myself to see if working out last night did any exceptional work towards my weight loss and for some reason it did. I lost 1.3 pounds. I think it could be just water weight but I'll take it for what I can get. I'm happy to exercise while watching tv. My pants are fitting a little better but I still want to be like 179 or lower for Christmas. I want to be less than I weighed when I left high school like that Jennifer Hudson commercial but without the assistance of Jenny Craig or something like that. 6 more pounds to my mini goal. Oh and when I reach my mini goal my boyfriend has to buy me a present for reaching my 180 goal. Yes another bonus. I think he was buying me an easel or something for my art. I may ask him to just buy me a whole lot of the boxed jewelry that I like to wear for work or to take me to the zoo again.

I wanted to post

I wanted to post right after my workout just to document my feelings. The workout went by pretty fast using the workout mode again. I really felt like I could have kept the burn going a little longer but I am not trying to burn myself out. I worked out for 40 minutes on the elliptical trainer while watching Without A Trace. I really thought that I wouldn't exercise because I was so tired but I said you know what, I'm just going to do it. If I really am tired I will get off and say at least I tried but I had more energy after I started. I mean sure I am tired again now but I did accomplish my goal for a workout. I guess I will weigh myself in the morning to see how my eating and workout changed anything.

I was afraid to weigh myself

I was afraid to weigh myself in fear that I gained even though I'm eating right and exercising. I weighed in at 186 this morning. Closer to 187 but I'll take what I can get. This means that I definitely need to keep up working out for 40 minutes everyday on the elliptical machine. I was mad that the Wii Fit told me that I wouldn't reach my goal in time because of the non-weight loss from the holidays. The goal it's set for is to get to 168 pounds. I can do it; I know I can. I'm at work thinking how much I want to be on my elliptical. Sigh.