working out and winter coat

I know it's a fat girl's blues to wear a winter coat. I have drama every year not only because of weight but also because of my allergies to wool. This year I'm wearing a pretty winter coat!! It is a little tight around the arms and chest right now but if I keep working out it should become looser. I'm proud that I didn't have to go to the plus size section to get it but I am feeling like I put some more pressure on myself to lose weight.

I used the workout mode on my elliptical machine for the first time and let me tell you it was a definite workout. I'm not sure how many calories I burned but my legs were on fire afterwards. It was that burn I used to get when I went to the gym in college. I was so happy!!! I'm not happy looking at myself in the mirror all the time but I'm working on it.

The new jeans I bought on Friday were a little tight when I bought them. It's really sad that the number on the jeans bothers me. I want to be a size 12 already not a 16. I have to lose 40 more pounds to be a size 12.

Muhahaha. On a side note I watched Home Movies while I was working out today. Possibly one of the best ideas. I was laughing so hard. I need to ration out what I'm spending my money on so I can get some more funny shows to watch while I workout. Its fun to laugh-- the time goes by so much faster.
Shows I'd want to get: Nodame Cantabile, Baccano, Tales of Agriculture, Genshiken 2, The Boondocks... etc.

venting. 188

Last night I wrote a blog to myself to vent out my frustrations and deleted it. I was really worked up over not losing any weight from over the holidays but I exercised last night and this morning for a bit. I'm going to keep exercising. What do I have to lose from trying to do what I can but weight? I am proud of myself for using the treadmill on Saturday. I'm even more proud of myself for working out last night. I really need to drop some pounds before Christmas and New Years. I don't know why I wasn't thinking of that when I was devouring carbohydrates over Thanksgiving break. I will eat vegetables... green vegetables and I will try to not eat so many breads and sugars. I need to make my health a priority at all times. I was drinking water most of the time but I wasn't really sticking with the eating right. I also need to work on just being free. I feel like the pressure to be thin is a lot. I do really want to drop weight but I don't want to be unhappy while doing it. 2.5 hours is the minimum for losing weight. I need to surpass this. 3500 calories burned is 1 pound so my workouts should burn more than 700 calories a day to lose a pound a week. That means I need to spend more time on my elliptical machine than I do on my recumbent bike.

Exercising and Gearing up

Today I exercised at my boyfriend's place on the treadmill. I only managed 30 minutes before I felt like I couldn't breathe that well. I am still sick and hope it goes away so I can feel like I'm really back on track. My eating habits need to change. I feel like I need to surround myself with more appetizing vegetable meals like veggies and hummus or veggies and dip-- but not eat all the dip. I think I want to stop by the grocery tomorrow to get Gyoza and some other vegetable foods. I had forgotten how many pictures are taken around the holidays so I want to work diligently to shed some extra pounds before New Years. I don't want my cheeks to be extra fluffy for pictures. I naturally have chipmunk cheeks but I don't want to look the like I didn't lose any weight from last year's pictures.

I didn't realize I forgot to mention that I worked out on wednesday too. 30 minutes on the elliptical machine.

no workout this morning

I definitely have worked out if I wasn't feeling crappy. I feel like this sickness is manifesting itself into something new. Like pokemon evolution except with my throat mucus. Sigh. I will read to see if there is a homeopathic way to heal this and then contact the specialist doctor. I probably shouldn't have went into work but I hate having to reschedule meetings and missing things. I will weigh myself when this is all over too.

elliptical and I need to read

I exercised yesterday and today. When I watch anime while exercising it makes the time go by so much faster. I think I may even try exercising again tonight on my bike since I exercised on my elliptical this morning. I feel like I'm on the right track again and it makes me smile.

What I'm going to do soon if not today is reread through my entire blog to see where I've come and if I have a new mindset. I'm also wondering if there are foods that I have forgotten that are good for me. I want to be 170 or 160 by February. I would like to look good in a monokini this summer to my standards.

I also want to make sure that even though I'm making my art a priority too that it does not become an excuse to get out of exercising or eating correctly.

Oh I forgot to talk about my mission for trying to eat at my place again. I ate yesterday and the day before at my place. I've been placing everything in ziplock bags and putting in the refrigerator. I did a major cleaning/decluttering session on saturday.

Oh I forgot to mention I have a viral infection right now. I went to the only doctor I knew to be in the area because I didn't know if it was an emergency room or not. I hope I feel better by thanksgiving because I'm still having a hard time breathing at night and in the morning.

chapped lips

My lips are so chapped this week that they are blistering. I thought if I drank more water it would help... but it makes me just pee more. I thought the gained weight was do to my junk food but it looks like my period it the culprit. I have been eating mainly fruits and vegetables for the past couple days which I think is making my lips worse but I'm feeling thinner. Hmmm. Ready for my lips to be healed. I think I need to make or buy some scarves so this doesn't happen again. I only really exercised once this week so I need to exercise today for at least 30 minutes to make me have exercised more than last week. That is sad because I know that people are supposed to exercise like 2.5 hours per week to create a solid weight loss.

Exercise in the morning

Yes, you read it. I was on my elliptical machine this morning for 20 minutes while watching anime. It could be the reason I'm so tired right now but I am proud of myself for exercising this morning. I think I will just have to exercise when I start thinking about exercising. I really want to reach my goals of being thin even if I'm afraid I won't like how I look when I'm thin. Yesterday, I bought apples and cucumbers from the grocery in hopes that I would feel better about eating in my place. I really wanted to have buffalo chicken or Subway but I wanted to save some money.

Gain but not really

Never weigh yourself when your body doesn't feel like it normally feels. I weigh myself on an empty stomach feeling usually. Today I weighed myself on a full stomach feeling. I will weigh myself tomorrow when I have an empty stomach feeling and see if it's a difference.

I looked at pictures of me from when I was trying out swimsuits in July. I hated how I looked in the pictures. I really don't want to have legs like I did in the picture for next summer. I don't want to wear a bikini but a monokini next summer. I should draw a picture of one and put it on the mirror with a caption:"Did your actions today put you closer to wearing this?"

I'm not sure that I'll be at 160 by February anymore. I need a detox from junk food. Really what I need to do is go grocery shopping at like Trader Joe's or just buy a ton of vegetables and fruits... no more vending machines and I need to eat at less restaurants. I could be using that money to buy anime.

Goals for this week:

Workout more than last week
Eat vegetables inside my place
Throw out Foods that I will never eat and haven't eaten in a long time
Declutter
Use oil paints for one painting
Get on the recumbent bike when I'm reading instead of sitting on the couch

ok

I did work out yesterday for 32 minutes. I felt like I forced myself to. I need to force myself some more and just enjoy life and stop trying to work every second I'm awake. It felt good to do the work out. Alright this might be TMI (too much information) but it is not a good thing to eat 2 fiber bars in a row like they are candybars. My stomach hurt most of today. It was like fiber overload. Sigh. I'm not trying to gain weight though. I need to eat more salads and like one fiber bar a day. I was boycotting my apple this week. I will have to go grocery shopping on sunday. I have dried fruit at work and but I would like to have some fresh produce to eat too. We will see. I could settle for leftover salad too.




Click on the picture and you will see him jumping.

I need to exercise

Everytime I want to exercise-- it's while I can't... When I am actually home I can't seem to bring myself to do it.... something is wrong with me. I'm not trying to gain weight,... I am a little afraid of being thin but I'm not trying to gain.... Grrr. I need to find a reward system for myself again for losing weight.


Click on the picture and you will see me walking.

heh.

20 minutes of exercise is not much longer than 15 minutes. I need to not wait until late at night to do my exercising... It should be exercise and then continue working! I couldn't fall asleep last night so I started reading about art (of course, would I be reading anything else right now?). I hope to sell some of my greeting cards this winter to get more people to see my art. I am also going to look into making prints of my work after I upgrade my technical skills some more. I feel a little scattered due to the lack of sleep.

My big question that has been looming for a bit is: How will I look when I'm 130 lbs? Will I like myself? Will I feel too thin? 130 isn't even the ideal weight. 119 is but we'll see how it feels to reach 130. I'm so nervous and excited that I'm 28 pounds away from being considered overweight!

I also want to ask is it weird to love fiber bars? The Kellogg fiber plus bars are even better than the fiber one bars. I will at max have 2 fiber bars a day because I eat fiber in other parts of the day.

188

I'm out of the 190 zone and into the 180s. I'm excited and hope whatever it is that is working for me keeps up.. I did end up eating after 6 last night so I wonder if I would have been lower if I didn't. I worked out for 15 minutes last night. It should have been much longer but I decided to exercise at 10pm. My mind was like just exercise tomorrow and then I started to feel guilty about not exercising that day so I worked out just a wee bit. Today I will work out longer. I'm also trying to improve my art because I feel like it could be much better. I know I shouldn't compare my technical skills to people haven't met but I need to improve my interpretations of shading and structure for my thought up characters. I have also been practicing my animation skills. One idea at a time. I decided not to make my christmas dress so I can focus on enhancing my technical skills.