Have to realize it's all about me

Ok. I still have to admit when the backwards compliments come through it makes me feel like a failure not a success for having myself be out of shape in the first place but I want to please myself by being under 200 pounds this week. I've been working along time already and I'm not going to let some people's awful states of mind push me from what I want for myself. I want to be my own version of magazine pretty and I want to be able to do more athletic things. I definitely don't want to get diabetes or have any more problems sleeping. The park near my place has a lot of potential. There was a meeting that made my whole schedule change today but I'm still going to exercise even if it means crying through it. Need some new music for working out and the library has CDs to borrow!


I will not give up because I'm already making it towards my goal. I believe in myself. That's all that matters.

Not sure where to go with things

I'm still in the same I don't know what to do about exercising. I did dance in my living room for a bit the other day leaving myself out of breath. Dancing was fun. I really feel like I should find a sport or something that I can dedicate my time too even though I feel like reading would be more fun. Is there a sport I can doing while reading? When I was dancing I used some of the aerobic workout moves that I've done time and time again. I'm thinking I should write my own routines to do to my music so it doesn't really feel like I'm doing the same things and also so I can do it at work on my break if it gets to the point that I'm making too many excuses to myself. I've used the wii a bit too. I just feel like something is not right. I'm also feeling like I'm running out of books to read... I've read so many weightloss stories that they are starting to sound the same but it's still a motivator. There is a park kind of close to me to possibly get some walking/exercising/hula hooping done after work.

Then I realized I'm still afraid of losing weight. Afraid of the backwards compliments I've already started to receive about my weightloss. UGH.

Eating healthy is much easier now. So easy to just eat some fruit and eat vegetables.

No Desire to Exercise

Back to Work from the long summer break and I'm feeling no desires to exercise. I'm eating right but not working out. I'm going to gain weight and I know it. I look at the machine or tv and think, "Man if I had the energy I would really use that machine. My body feels so tired". I don't have one of those jobs were you can sit at a desk leisurely going about your day. I'm standing constantly, walking around the room,... even on my breaks I end up needing to do something... but that is not exercise! How do people find time to work out when they are mentally and physically drained after a long day at work?

I won't make it to my goal if I'm so tired after work. I need more motivation.


Edit.... After talking with my boyfriend about the doctors words of energy from exercise I think I might try climbing on even though I'm completely drained.... and I did buy the Richard Simmons "Sweatin to the Oldies" VHS today because I remembered having so much fun exercising to that before (plus it was only a 10 cents)

Ups and Downs: 200

Drinking alcohol is a big no no for losing weight. It tacks back on water weight. I had to work really hard to lose the weight I gained from drinking alcohol at a party. I ate mostly fruits and vegetables: Carrots, plums, spinach, cherries, grapes, pears, tomatoes, broccoli, cauliflower, dried apricots, some walnuts, and peanuts... I have a new avocado sitting in the refrigerator. I want to make a deviled avocado but I need to remember to save the recipe so I can make it for dinner. It's a lot easier at work to eat fresh fruits and vegetables. This year is going to be easy with lunch. I just need a lunch box. Oh and I'm still eating chocolate-- the Jell-o Temptations Mousse (in Dark Chocolate). It's 60 calories but it curbs my yearning for most of the bad food. Also, Wendy's BLT cobb salad was really good. I ate all of it except the eggs.

So I made it to my first goal but now I don't really want the boxset because I can rent some for free at the library. I'm getting more excited about reaching my goal for the prom. A couple more people agreed to go to my "Prom" so this is going to be exciting. I posted on my bulletin board- 40 pounds until I'm overweight and 70 pounds until I'm normal. I need that constant neutral reminder of my ultimate goal so I don't get too comfortable about my current weight. The glycemic index is posted on my refrigerator still, and my list for recipes is getting bigger (I don't write the steps, just the ingredients).

Sparked me to try a New Workout Video

Reading a post by another blogger, about possibly going gymless made me remember my exercise video days. At the library, I scoured the video section for an exercise dvd to rent for free because I just wanted to test out one not buy it. I ended up trying the Skinny Bitch Fitness: Booty Bounce dvd. At first when I was watching I thought I'd be a loser for trying it but it was actually fun and with no one watching me I wasn't afraid to mess up. I just had fun with it. I'm not sure I'd do this video everyday but I would certainly do it many more times.

About non-dieting: I think I may give it a try. I'm not going to rush out to buy unhealthy food but I'm not going to beat myself up anymore about occassionally having a piece of cake or some buffalo chicken. I'm still going to eat my vegetables as fruits as much as possible. I hate preparing food so steaming a bag of vegetables is so easy to have for dinner.

Speaking of food: I made this ingenius (for me the non-cook) pesto parmesan stuffed tomato the other day. Cut a hole into a tomato and pour in pesto. Top it off with parmesan cheese. (I would have preferred low fat mozzarella but it went bad.) Then microwave it for 2 minutes.... Eat over a bowl. I'll take a picture the next time I make it.

Ups and Down: Full Reality: 202

Going on vacation with my family and having my anniversary. I'm at 202. I was at 201 before all this but I'm still working out the reality of spending time with a lot of people. I need to keep up with being about my food regime when out in the company of people. It was fun to enjoy the food but I'm going to keep exercising. I only exercised a little through all the festive activities. I could exercise at work if I really need to find time. This should be interesting. I'm motivated to keep going and it's interesting that people are already noticing the difference in my appearance. I just want to be healthy. So I'll keep eating loads of vegetables and fruits and exercise.

P.s. Going on my boyfriend's treadmill never felt better today! 46 minutes while watching television!

203 and counting

Elated to be 203! I am especially excited because I haven't technically worked out in a couple days. I was worried because I had my junk food friendly family over and I thought I was going to totally cave, ending in gaining 2 or 3 pounds. I only caved a little by having a half slice of pizza (for dinner... with a salad) and eating an eggo (without syrup or butter) for breakfast.

School is about to start again so I need to prepare a remedy for my frequent trips to the vending machine due to me constantly forgetting to pack my lunch. Also, I don't want to rely on the refrigerator because others eat your lunch!

Exercise should be easy then too because I'll develop a daily routine of exercising either before or after school.

People are starting to notice my weightloss. I think at 17 pounds down it should be somewhat noticeable. It will really be noticeable when I reach 30 or 40 pounds. All in due time and my boyfriend finally agreed to stop going to restaurants so much so we both can save some money! I explained to him that we could have a more special time at restaurants if we didn't go to them so often. We could then in turn spend a little more money at the restaurants not being so concerned about the money.

Down to 204

Down to 204 pounds and my self-image is still wavering. I was paranoid after reading so many weight-loss stories- Fiction and non-fiction.

There are some new goals because I have new things I really want. I’m still going to get the box-set for 200 pounds but for 160 pounds I’m going to buy an evening gown that will help me forget my horrible prom—the idea was brought from the bad memories remembered from reading. I was forced into wearing a velvet stretchy dress with a fur collar (in May mind you) because I too overweight for a normal dress and I wasn’t given a say in it. I still cringe in the thought of that dress; prom was so bad I didn’t even have a date that I was trying to get. The “date” ticket was given to an acquaintance’s friend. I need a new positive memory to replace it. I want the works (meaning everything I never got): the corsage, a limo or towns car or heck even a nice sports car, a dress with sparkles, my boyfriend with a boutonnière and tuxedo, the stupid photo standing in front of the vehicle, my hair how I really want it and the wish that the moment will last forever. It would not matter to me if there were a whole lot of dancing—just one slow dance.


So yes, making progress... and with Chai Latte and Chai Tea... oh and don't forget the flaxseeds.