Memories and Renewal

Ok. So it might not be clear already but I have lost weight before. I lost 60 some odd pounds before to be exact in like 10 months or less using a diet and exercising 30 minutes a day. Someone told me I could never lose weight ever and to prove them wrong I lost 60 pounds. I thought I looked too thin but I just wasn't comfortable with myself. People I used to know gave their backwards compliments of "oh you look so good now" and I felt angry. Gained all the weight back and then some. Not all on purpose but it probably was.

I'm not going to kill myself to lose the weight but it feels good to be doing it consciously and for the right reasons. My too thin last time was I think my just being a coward towards the attention I was getting.

I also realized using my period as an excuse is not going to work. I worked out over an hour last night. The first time I tried I keeled over crying about the cramps. I drank some tea, which surprisingly got rid of the cramps and tried again a few hours later.

ORGANIC--- Can I type that again (Oh I think I will... Muhahaha) Organic--- I went to yes, an organic grocery store, this mom and pop kind and fell in love. Getting healthy is going to be easier than I thought with this new tool of mass destruction!!!! I went through every aisle-- I could make homemade Asian Dishes, Vegan Dishes, Vegetarian, and all sorts of healthy choices. I was not naive because not everything that has organic printed on it is healthy but I will overcome.

Oh-- My exercising is going to fluctuate. No more just elliptical. Although, now I'm enjoying reading while I exercise. It makes the time go by much faster.

Realizing you been insulted.

I never realized that people casually insulted me until I started reading all these weight loss books. I guess you say I was just looking at the good in people and not really seeing them for what they are. Last night I was so upset about it I ended up working out 1.5 hours on my elliptical machine and burned according to the machine over 1200 calories. It's not really about the calories more about how this morning I really dont feel the work out like I would for tae bo. Feeling like a sap, I had forced myself into the last half hour because I stupidly weighed myself in the middle of the night and thought I had gained weight. I peed right after and stepped on again to be the about the same weight from a few days ago. Still at 206.

The best feeling from working out was that I started getting the feelings back that I had when I'd go to the gym by myself in college. The feeling like I can do it. I will see inches shed from my body. I'm also wondering how my body will feel at the weight especially because I'm mainly doing heavy resistance(10-15 out of the max 20). I can do the max resistance but I think I will build up so I'm comfortable and not feeling like I'm going to die. Yes!

I am avoiding the grocery store because I'm tired of spending money but I need some more variety in what I'm eating.

Three Days of using my Elliptical

Three days of using my elliptical in a row. I felt fantastic when the scale said I had lost 3 more pounds. I've been trying to up my fiber intake and yesterday I did treat myself to the tomato mozzarella panini, with a side salad this time. I think I am falling in love with the caesar salad too. I think its something to do with the ability to have cheese with salad and not have too many calories. Anywho, I'm thankful for losing more weight and hope to keep it going. I really think I should by a new anime series once a month if that is really a good motivator for me to get on the elliptical. It was good to laugh while exercising.

Reading. Depressed Slightly. Empowered A lot.

I read a couple books about weight loss stories. The one I read last night had me so angry I got on my elliptical machine. Yes, a small victory! I think I make have worked out a bit hard because my body was kind of tired and my eyes got all swollen. I also cheated a little; I'm borrowing an anime boxset to watch while I was exercising. If my eyes hadn't been so swollen I would have stayed on it longer. Anyway, I stepped on the scale in the middle of the night and I had gained .2 lbs. So I'm still under but I have more weight to lose. Now, I don't have to fret over the hamburgers I ate the other night. I really want a pesto panini. I keep thinking about them. I might just use the ingredients and put it on a rice cake or something instead. Small post but positive change.

Conversations with the Fat Girl

I was so enthralled by the book Conversations with the Fat Girl I couldn't sleep until I finished it. I felt connected with it. Empowered and was wishing for a happy ending so much that I couldn't stop until I knew the whole story. I want a sequel. I want to know more but it was feel motivator. This book is going to be on my rewards list of things for losing weight.

Next book on the list is: The Fat Girl

I think the reading about weightloss/nutrition is a big section of my life right now. I still want to motivate myself to go out more doing things I really want to do. Like yesterday, I walked around three museums, walked to the White House, saw the Capital building, and the Washington Monument. Surprisingly with all that walking and going up and down stairs, my legs aren't sore today like the first time I went to 3 museums with my friend last week. You know what? I want to go back and walk around some more, seeing the zoo and the rest of the museums. Who knew giving yourself loads of walking to do could be a reward?

So I was reading

^^ it wasn't a wendy's burger I had; it was one from my boyfriend's house.

I was reading back through my posts and I think I need to try even harder. Exercise is the key and I haven't motivated myself to do it but now I have that boxset promise staring me in the face. I don't think I want a Coach Poppy Wristlet for 180 pounds. It should be something better than that, like a trip to the zoo or the rug I really wanted from Target. My mind was playing with my emotions yesterday and I gave in. I ate 2 hamburgers without reading the label first to see how much it would effect my eating. I was upset with myself after I read the label this morning. Feeling like I took steps backwards. Also, I'm reading, Conversations with the Fat Girl. So far so good, I would not consider gastric bypass knowing I can lose the weight by myself but I'm interested in seeing how the fat girl deals with her friend who lost weight that way.

Vacation and 9 lbs to first goal... Eww to TGI Friday's

This weekend my boyfriend's family and I went to New York on vacation. It was great, even the eating part. We did so much walking that I thought I'd be sore the next day like I was when went on my trip to the museum. Interestingly enough the calories listed with all the food helped me to stay focused on eating appropriate. Of course my restaurant loving boyfriend wanted to go to a restaurant. I was shocked that his favorite restaurant, TGI Friday's, had so much unhealthy food. Even most of the healthy looking things were unhealthy. I was too excited about ordering a cobb salad after seeing it was one of the only things on the menu less than 1000 calories. Needless to say, I will try to sway him some about how much we eat at restaurants. The health book series I'm looking at currently, "Eat this, Not that" was an eye opener too. I cannot help to think no wonder I gained so much weight after looking at all the things from the do not eat side as things I ate on a regular basis. Still need to focus on exercising but at least eating is on the right track. Oh, and I'm going to try the Chick-Fil-A fruit cup this week. It's got me excited about being able to eat "Fast Food" when I go out with people to the mall. A side salad and some fruit sounds like a great meal to me.

Brussel Sprouts, Broccoli, and Flax Seeds

The Food bible is giving a lot of inspiration for the foods that I need to eat. What is working the best is the use of the Glycemic Index on the refrigerator. I wrote it on hot pink paper so every time I go in there I have to look at it.

My shopping trip to the grocery store lead me to buy: dried apricots, brussel sprouts, broccoli, and a few other things. I'm wondering if I'm going to like the brussel sprouts. I havent had them since I was a child. I was also looking at the idea of using flax seeds in my yogurt and salad. One serving provides 36% of the fiber a person need for the day. If I use that I can play around with other foods that I eat for the day. The Fiber poptarts were my way to get fiber before but I am looking for a more natural take on having it.

Exercise: In my efforts to motivate myself in exercising I'm collecting images to put on my wall to show me I'm not the only one who will be working out. It should work if I have something to look at. Using the gym could be considered an excuse since I already have gym equipment.

Watching the joggers yesterday was really nice. Almost all of them looked fit.

Pool Party

So nervous so nervous, When I realized I had to wear a swimsuit to a party. You know what I did. I bought a new swimsuit. Well the top anyway. I had a bottom that fit already that I've never worn because I couldn't find a top. Target with its limited selection was able to give me a top that I couldn't be more happy to own. I felt sexy, and beautiful. And you know what I was the largest at the party but still looked cute.

Before the party, I got the Food Bible from the library. It's an interesting book so far. It had some pretty good insights about what to do to eat and how it can affect the body. I wrote out the glycemic index and posted in on the refrigerator to remind me of the foods I should be eating. Hopefully all of my sublimial messages and constant reminders of what to eat should help me in making more of the right food choices.

My main concern is now the helpful push for myself to exercise. I hope I can do the same thing for exercise as I've done for food. Rearranging my elliptical to be staring at me when I wake up should be doing something. Maybe I should decorate it with Hello Kitty or something. Also thinking about buying a television for it so I can watch television close up rather than far away while I'm exercising.

More to say but got to go!

Cleaning the fridge!

I cleaned out my fridge last night learning how much food I've wasted by not really buying what I like to eat and also over buying things. I also took time to wash and cut vegetables so when I want a snack I just reach in to grab a baggie of vegetables. This should be a habit for me to continue. I also put a list of foods on the refrigerator to remind myself of the good things to eat. It still makes me mad how much I noticed in stores of them promoting the unhealthy foods and then hear that the same time about the obesity soaring.



My sisters and I were at Claire's, an accessories store. Don't get me wrong I love shopping at Claire's but most of their food jewelry was junk food. They had sushi but not just a vegetable necklace. It had me thinking... "Oh yeah, kids hate vegetables"... but then, "Aren't they just programmed to hate them when celebrities and cartoon stars are plastered all over different junk foods"....



Any who, I made the fridge a lot more orderly to hopefully not waste so much food. It's meat free now. If I make fish, which is the only thing I can find in small quantities besides beef cubes. I will get it fresh and only the amount I'll need for the meal. Otherwise I know I'll waste it.

I was also thinking about the idea of breakfast... bacon, eggs, pancakes, the whole works. Why does it have a specific category for what you eat in the morning? This morning I ate salad.

Hearts of Palm and Salads

My friend came over last night to watch a movie. He said "let's go get something to eat". I suggested that we cook something instead of spending loads of money on restaurant food. Frankly, I was not looking for the calories either. He decided we should get some more ingredients after going through my refrigerator. It was wonderful. He taught me some things about how he makes salad and everything wasn't terribly expensive--- except for the Hearts of Palm. It tasted like artichoke, which I loved but I didn't care for the price tag. $5.59 for a jar! He explained that where he normally gets it they run for 3 something. (I didn't mention how hard it was to find in the store either. I am laughing thinking about it now. Literally had to climb on the cart to reach it over the top shelf.. only one in the store.)



My salad consisted of: Romaine Lettuce, Blackberries, Hearts of Palm, Sunflower Seeds, Tomatoes, Craisins, with heaps of deliciousness.

Simple enough salad.

Oh I meant to mention that my emergency pack is near completion. I did remedy my urge to eat loads of bad food by ordering a salad instead of the burger and fries when I took my little sisters shopping. What I need to find is a reasonable size lunch bag to put the emergency food in. I never had a normal lunch bag growing up so I don't know where to get a good one or what I should look for.

Emergency Health Food Pack?

I need to come up with something good to eat when I'm on the run or if I plan on spending a lot of time with my processed food/restaurant loving boyfriend and junk food friendly family.... I gained a pound since yesterday. This could be water weight but it also could be "I couldn't resist eating those fattening cookies" weight. Disappointed in myself for giving into the cookies.

Back on track today with my fruits and water. Had a bowl of cereal with soy milk. I am going to have some greens tonight but I'm not sure what kind yet. Possibly could stop back at the store to get a salad or something.

Still looking at the Four Day diet book, more for motivation than anything.

Thinking about selling paintings to people to raise money for a recumbent bike. So I can easily work out for hours like I used to at the gym. People keep saying they want to have a painting so it shouldn't be too hard to get one.

I will brainstorm my emergency list later and post it. Hmm. Maybe a book might have some suggestions.

Totally forgot

I bought organic Yogurt this week. I was opposed to buying it before because dairy makes me sick sometimes but not the case with this yogurt. Mixed with fruit and applesauce it was awesome. Another thing I bought--- sugar free Popsicles. Great for snacking if you want something sweet without going too far. Loved them.

Also I didn't mention that I started muting the Wii and playing my own music. Very soothing. It was so much more fun with my own tunes.

Watching sports on my television is also a big motivation technique. I love watching track and field. It's so awesome to see them with all the muscles running at top speed to victory. I already have strong legs; I just don't have the physique yet.

The california sushi rice bowl was alright. I didn't like the avocado as much but it was probably over ripe.

Weightloss with Glitches

I weighed in today at 210lbs. So that means I guess I'm doing a better job than I thought. Reaching for the fruit whenever I'm moderately hungry because I don't have to do anything to prepare it except washing it. Also, I ate this amazing salad last night. It was spinach with this other dark leaf, cheese, bacon, tomatoes, and croutons. I didn't eat much croutons, cheese, or bacon but it was awesome together. I will try some version of this during the week to break up eating rice. Also, my oven is reeks of gas when I use it so I won't be using my oven until it gets fixed. Last time I used it I was nauseous, the time before that I vomited.

Exercises of the week: Wii Fit, Tae-bo, and belly dance. Mostly the wii concentrating on ab strength exercises and jogging.

Goals:

- Try to do the elliptical for at least 10 minutes a day since I ate cake and cookies.
- Make a salad for dinner one night.
- Practice ways of making exercising fun!