158

I'm honestly considering a food monitoring program because I think I need to re-evaluate what I'm consuming. I really would like to be in the 140s or 130s by December and  I think it could actually happen if I control more about what I'm eating and drinking. It feels like a long road but I can do it. This time I will have a better understanding of what will work for my body.  The south beach diet gives guidelines of good and bad food so I already know what will help move the weight loss but I think something like weight watchers will help me with portion control. Maybe I'm eating too much food or maybe I'm not eating enough food. I would like to see what happens. I know I always choose to start something new when my plate is already full but this is my well being so I need to make it a priority.

I did the 100 squat challenge yesterday because of failing when it was attempted the day before but I had no idea how difficult it was going to make doing Zumba last night. I mean I guess it's a good thing because I want Zumba to work more for but really I was so tired by the end. Hmmm. 

The picture is from wednesday at Zumba Class.

158.4

If I can get under 158 I think I will jump up and down because it feels like torture.  Why must it not go down? Any day that I eat like crackers or something it either stays the same or goes up. I feel like I have to workout every single day. That is annoying. There has to be a more satisfying approach to eating. I have chicken in the refrigerator that I'm going to cook tonight to hopefully help. I bought more zucchini this time than the last but I was hoping to get some cabbage. The grocery by me always seems to have a nasty produce section with rotting food. I need to learn how to shop better so I can avoid this store. 

158.6

I guess where I went wrong was eating the rest of the panda express. My stomach is growling so much it's not funny right now so I know I'm hungry. I also only lifted weights. I thought about walking on the treadmill but instead I walked around the mall. I'm disappointed that I'm not going down right now even though I'm freaking starving but I will try to do better today.

158.4

Hopefully continuing this squat challenge will also help me get better a Zumba. I went to Zumba last night and started getting winded. This time I knew it was because of the squats not because of the fat. I also went to Panda Express last night but I only ate a quarter to a third of the meal so I wouldn't overeat. I'm not sure if I will keep going down but I'm eating green beans for breakfast this morning so it's a start. I keep thinking I'll lift weights at work but what if I lift weights before I get to work so I know it's already done. As soon as I wake up I just lift weights. Yesterday I did my squats while I was brushing my teeth. I don't know what I was thinking but I was glad I had got it out of the way. I wore heels to work and doing squats in heels would have been difficult.

Edit11:24 am: I'm having some jealousy issues off seeing girls at the gym dropping in weight and physically being able to see it. In Zumba I'm as active as the fit people but I'm just bigger. I barely have love handles but I would like them to disappear. I want the whole frame to be smaller so I can wear backless shirts too. I just ate my salad and chicken. I will do it every weekday if it keeps my weight going down. I should start bringing my own chicken instead of buying the chicken so I can save a little money. I need to figure out what spices they use. Or I could just do what I said which was making the turkey breast tacos where I drop weight everyday

Bah

I'm writing again because I feel like I need to just get things off my mind. I have events coming up where I feel like if I were smaller that I would feel less self conscious. I've been thinking about how I    need to try more healthy activities to keep me motivated. My goals that I have set for myself revolve around spending money. I wonder if I'm putting too much on my plate by wanting to work extra to pay for the things I want and also do better at my regular job while losing weight. I started to get pretty sad amount giving up so much to lose weight but maybe I will just end up being smaller. I had a hard time this weekend trying to not compare myself so much to how I used to look and just think about how I look currently. I'm at a 8-10-12 size. The stomach pouch is pronounced so it will be a while before I reach 140 pounds. If I make cheese less turkey breast taco salad with Greek yogurt for sour cream and cabbage for the lettuce I might do a lot better both monetarily and thought wise. 

I finished off the chicken I made surprisingly. Normally I would let it go to waste after getting bored with it but the idea of going on a trip makes me want to save. If I eat ramen to save I would gain weight unless I practiced making the noodles from scratch. 

My legs are so sore from the squats that I will probably feel it tomorrow. Zumba is tomorrow night so I might end up having to sit out a song to alleviate some of the soreness. 

158.8

I'm back in the 150s. Hopefully I can keep going down. I went slightly off my plan by eating at the bowling alley but I didn't manage my time well yesterday. Hopefully today will be better. I'm about to do the squat challenge because I missed it yesterday from not managing my time well but at least I'm going to do it today. 

160.4

I'm not sure if I didn't go to Zumba yesterday if the number would be lower. I'm hoping to continue going down. It still bothers me that I feel like a marionette in some ways towards this weight loss but I know that I'm trying to make sure I fit in the clothes I bought before and also I want to see my face look smaller. It would be nice to go down into the 50s by next week. I forgot to bring lunch today for work partly because I should have packed it last night. I'm going to get a salad today for lunch. 

My friend and I were talking about the methods to use for losing weight and I'm coming ato the conclusion that I will need to cut cheese out of my life to the best of my abilities. I was doing low carb cheese before but cutting it out like I'm allergic might help me stay focused. I want to make some more baked zucchini tonight but I'm not sure how to cook it. I will figure something out. 

Chicken with celery and zucchini

I am proud of myself to follow through with making the chicken. I put chopped celery at the bottom. Laid the chicken on top. Poured no sugar added pineapples on top and zucchini slices around the chicken. The put salt free seasoning on the chicken and put pepper on the zucchini. Baked for an hour at 350 degrees. So happy with the results although I wish put more zucchini in the pan. There was so much chicken that the vegetables won't be enough. It tastes to me like chicken soup only better.

161

Thank you Raquel for the encouraging words! I find it hard sometimes to look at the fact I am not back at 220. I'm afraid of going back there so I'm going to stick with this. I did the 100 squats challenge YouTube video again this morning even though my legs were sore walking into work. I'm hoping that I can see visual results eventually. I know for sure now that I'm definitely being treated differently though because of the weight gain. Your weight shouldn't define you. I'm going to try harder to eat the lunches I bring to school instead of avoiding them. I ate scrambled eggs for dinner and breakfast yesterday and chicken for lunch. I was supposed to cook chicken last night but I didn't feel like going to the grocery. I wanted to bake it with celery and zucchini. I will do it tonight. I hate being in the 160s. I actually dislike being in the 150s but I could tolerate it. If I can keep up just coming into work and doing my morning exercises then I should be able to develop a routine. 

163

I stepped on the scale today thinking I would just be sitting at 160 but it said 163.4. I went to Zumba last night and I was so winded. I really hate the fact that if I don't go to the gym that I really will keep going up in weight. I thought it might be a depression sort of thing but I just eat too much sugar and processed foods. I have to be honest with myself that I need to just make working out at the gym as routine as brushing my teeth. I also need to force myself to cook. I'm not going to use the excuse anymore about the person I'm living with making me feel like its unreasonable to cook because they won't eat what I'm eating. 

It's really depressing that my weight is solidly back in the obese category but I saw it coming and didn't stop eat. 

People are going to make fun or me regardless of what weight I am. There are people still wanting to be my current size but its not enough for me. My clothes are getting tight and although I've been feeling somewhat happy that I'm not trying to stress to impress anyone. I haven't impressed my self. I looked at pictures from the over weekend and I just looked fat. I'm not going to go around talking about it but I did. Then the person I'm living with started mentioning how I should try doing squats. Is this your way of telling me that you think I look ugly?