Err

I know I'm going to hate what I see on the scale in the morning. I ate a lot I mean a lot of food. I saw this girl today that made me want to eat salad for the rest of my life. I was upset that all the dresses I tried on today didn't fit. I felt like I was too fat for everything I thought was cute. My skin sagging issues on my stomach is the main problem in stuff looking cute even when it does fit. I just look skinny fat? Even though I'm really close to obese. 

I did like 130 squats tonight. I was feeling sweaty so I know it was doing something. I'm going to try and finish off the chicken I made and eat salad more. I haven't forgot about my zucchini taco salad. I need to see if there is a recipe on safari. 

I have a wedding I'm attending in a couple weeks and I'm too like how I look for when I go. I'm not going to know anyone there really so I would matter too much if I lost or gained but I want to look decent.

The picture is what I have so far for the wedding outfit. 

157.4

I'm not how my weight went down. I finally cooked the chicken. This time I used stuffed the lime juice cleaned chicken with store made salsa in the produce section ( not the perservative kind that sits near the nachos in the snack aisle) and cut up zucchini and put them around the chicken. I dusted everything with salt free spicy seasoning and black pepper. I baked it for 45 minutes this time. I will have enough chicken for a few days. This was inspired by the chicken Cobb salad I had from chick fil a the other day because it had corn in it. I'm on my way to a party so we'll see how that goes.

I'm going to figure out how to make zucchini chips this week because I want to have zucchini taco salad. I couldn't buy cabbage because the lettuce section in the produce department is always gross.

158

I'm honestly considering a food monitoring program because I think I need to re-evaluate what I'm consuming. I really would like to be in the 140s or 130s by December and  I think it could actually happen if I control more about what I'm eating and drinking. It feels like a long road but I can do it. This time I will have a better understanding of what will work for my body.  The south beach diet gives guidelines of good and bad food so I already know what will help move the weight loss but I think something like weight watchers will help me with portion control. Maybe I'm eating too much food or maybe I'm not eating enough food. I would like to see what happens. I know I always choose to start something new when my plate is already full but this is my well being so I need to make it a priority.

I did the 100 squat challenge yesterday because of failing when it was attempted the day before but I had no idea how difficult it was going to make doing Zumba last night. I mean I guess it's a good thing because I want Zumba to work more for but really I was so tired by the end. Hmmm. 

The picture is from wednesday at Zumba Class.

158.4

If I can get under 158 I think I will jump up and down because it feels like torture.  Why must it not go down? Any day that I eat like crackers or something it either stays the same or goes up. I feel like I have to workout every single day. That is annoying. There has to be a more satisfying approach to eating. I have chicken in the refrigerator that I'm going to cook tonight to hopefully help. I bought more zucchini this time than the last but I was hoping to get some cabbage. The grocery by me always seems to have a nasty produce section with rotting food. I need to learn how to shop better so I can avoid this store. 

158.6

I guess where I went wrong was eating the rest of the panda express. My stomach is growling so much it's not funny right now so I know I'm hungry. I also only lifted weights. I thought about walking on the treadmill but instead I walked around the mall. I'm disappointed that I'm not going down right now even though I'm freaking starving but I will try to do better today.

158.4

Hopefully continuing this squat challenge will also help me get better a Zumba. I went to Zumba last night and started getting winded. This time I knew it was because of the squats not because of the fat. I also went to Panda Express last night but I only ate a quarter to a third of the meal so I wouldn't overeat. I'm not sure if I will keep going down but I'm eating green beans for breakfast this morning so it's a start. I keep thinking I'll lift weights at work but what if I lift weights before I get to work so I know it's already done. As soon as I wake up I just lift weights. Yesterday I did my squats while I was brushing my teeth. I don't know what I was thinking but I was glad I had got it out of the way. I wore heels to work and doing squats in heels would have been difficult.

Edit11:24 am: I'm having some jealousy issues off seeing girls at the gym dropping in weight and physically being able to see it. In Zumba I'm as active as the fit people but I'm just bigger. I barely have love handles but I would like them to disappear. I want the whole frame to be smaller so I can wear backless shirts too. I just ate my salad and chicken. I will do it every weekday if it keeps my weight going down. I should start bringing my own chicken instead of buying the chicken so I can save a little money. I need to figure out what spices they use. Or I could just do what I said which was making the turkey breast tacos where I drop weight everyday

Bah

I'm writing again because I feel like I need to just get things off my mind. I have events coming up where I feel like if I were smaller that I would feel less self conscious. I've been thinking about how I    need to try more healthy activities to keep me motivated. My goals that I have set for myself revolve around spending money. I wonder if I'm putting too much on my plate by wanting to work extra to pay for the things I want and also do better at my regular job while losing weight. I started to get pretty sad amount giving up so much to lose weight but maybe I will just end up being smaller. I had a hard time this weekend trying to not compare myself so much to how I used to look and just think about how I look currently. I'm at a 8-10-12 size. The stomach pouch is pronounced so it will be a while before I reach 140 pounds. If I make cheese less turkey breast taco salad with Greek yogurt for sour cream and cabbage for the lettuce I might do a lot better both monetarily and thought wise. 

I finished off the chicken I made surprisingly. Normally I would let it go to waste after getting bored with it but the idea of going on a trip makes me want to save. If I eat ramen to save I would gain weight unless I practiced making the noodles from scratch. 

My legs are so sore from the squats that I will probably feel it tomorrow. Zumba is tomorrow night so I might end up having to sit out a song to alleviate some of the soreness.