Saturday, March 16, 2013

Trying to deny unhealthy habits

I'm back up to 159 and it feels pretty crappy. I still think about my weight all the time but I keep making bad choices towards my weight goals. I'm still hoping to be in the 130s but I keep eating things like Chick-fil-a, TGI Fridays, vending machine food, and chinese food on a regular basis. I tried to go back onto the south beach phase one but after realizing that my regular grocery store didn't carry 99% ground turkey breast anymore it all kind of fizzled out. I really cannot continue like this. I will not be going out to buy bigger clothes because my clothes feel tight. The confusing part is that I am doing better with Zumba in terms of the difficulty in moves but I'm getting winded some times.  One of the main things I need to change is packing my lunch for work and making sure I have more food in the refrigerator. I was going to spend hours doing my hair but I think I will make a trip to the Health Food store and see what I can get to help with the weight loss. I did buy a whole bunch of tuna to take for lunch but I get more hungry than that throughout the day. The grapes I took were devoured and I've been eating greek yogurt the few days. I kind of feel like crying. My mind keeps going back to how people told me I really needed to lose weight even after I was feeling good about myself. Sigh. Eventually I will just have to make up my mind to ignore all the others and just live how I want to be. No more alcohol-- Waste of money. No more frequent restaurant trips-- Waste of money and time. More blogging- I need the accountability of what's working and what's not. I need to vent and express my mind here instead of to others. Here is where I can express myself without someone larger than me looking at me cross because they don't understand it's still a struggle when smaller or someone smaller looking at me like why are you exaggerating, 5 pounds even 10 pounds is not that much. It's a lot when you are short. 5 pounds is the difference between fitting into a pair of pants. Everything will workout I just need to remain positive, eat healthier, pack my food, and exercise.

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