So I just looked at myself in the mirror

It was a pretty long look. I can clearly see now how I look larger. It's so apparent there is no reason for me to deny that I look jiggly. I don't know what to do. I think I just want to go grocery shopping and buy some frozen fish and some more stuff to go with the cabbage in the freezer. Part of me wants to cancel the plans I have tonight because after looking in the mirror I'm not feeling attractive at all and going to the club feeling ugly is just going to have me comparing myself to the other people. If I had been blogging I would not have let myself go like this. Even if I were stepping on the scale often it might have made me have better decisions. I think I'm so upset because I feel like a failure. I had told myself I was not going to go back up and here I am back up here feeling fat and ugly. I was getting fed up with the daily thing of worrying about my weight to the point that I couldn't enjoy some days but it feels like I'm more upset now because I just can't be healthy without tracking how I am with food and exercise. I will never have a non-food related life. This is depressing but if I can get over it will be a better people. I'm not even that much happier with all the stuff going on in my life--so much stress and not enough rest. If you are reading this please just live to be happy.