Blah

I don't know where to start except that I've got out track of losing weight. I haven't been eating well and I haven't been exercising as much. I have been exercising just not 5 hours a week like I could be. I realized this week that people from the Biggest Loser are working out 12-18 hours every week. My measly 5 hours is nothing on that. No wonder I haven't been losing weight like they are on the show. It makes me feel very lazy. I made loads of excuses like hanging out with friends and just wanting to relax. Not making the time for important things like vegetables. I've still been eating fruit. I was watching a documentary that commented on people needed to eat more vegetables. My not exercising and not focusing on health food combination is probably this new found sluggish feeling I've been having all week. I am upset with myself because I don't want to backtrack. I'm not exactly sure how I got this off course but it has to change. I was sick last week and it turned into a free for all. I'm not going to be healthy with all these setbacks. I was eating broccoli this week from the freezer. Blah.

Crunches and saving money.

I realized my bills feel out of control and with my trying to eat healthy. I need to mind some of what I'm buying. Last week, I tested out eating microwaved frozen vegetables with some low sodium soy sauce and then the other day with apple sauce. The apple sauce was good-- the soy sauce was blah. Too sour! So I'm going to work on buying more frozen vegetables since it will help me feel my vegetable quota and it's cheaper than buying frozen prepared food.

Crunches-- My boyfriend walked me through doing crunches so my abs will be defined when I drop all the weight. I'm going to attempt to do 3 sets of 10 a day along with my exercise on the elliptical and then my tricep weight lifting exercise. I'm not trying to have jiggly arms when I'm small. I have until the end of July to get down as far as possible to my weight goal. I'm not going to do anything off the deep end crazy. Just work out a lot even if it hurts and eat way more green vegetables! Otakon is coming and I need to lose the weight!

Able to walk

I went to the zoo with a new friend yesterday. I was so proud of myself for not feeling like I was dying while walking through the zoo. Usually I would feel like it was too much for me but keep going because the animals are so awesome. I just felt like I accomplished something. Also I didn't eat bad food-- I had peanuts, bananas, and water. I was hoping for like grapes or something but it was too expensive. I really had contemplated eating a hot dog but I stopped myself knowing that it wasn't really worth it.

My friend said that I should pick out a 5k that I want to run since I want to run and just train for it. He shocked me when he said he ran in the morning, walked to the metro--- meaning that he is walking all day because he has to walk back home. Seriously that is awesome.

So I'm wondering how I'm going to look by the end of the summer. I already feel way thinner that I did last year. Sometimes I get down like yesterday seeing all this thin girls looking all primped up. I'm not a high maintainence kind of person. Maybe I should attempt being more maintainence than I am now then I wouldn't feel the need to compare myself to other people. I'll just compare myself to myself and be happy with that.

Venting...

I'm upset that I can't seem to get down my weight this week even though I worked out 4 times this week. I need to hurry up and find a place to jog because this plateau is not cute! I have goals that I want to accomplish! Hopefully I will not have this plateau for long because I really want to be "overweight" and not "obese" anymore. I'm kicking myself for wasting a whole month with shenanigans but I'm working out and I feel it more than I used to. My goals of feeling comfortable in a swimsuit is going to be a reality. BAHHHH. I'm just mad I keep seeing this revolving door of wanting to lose weight and then being afraid to lose weight to sabotage to anger to losing weight.... When will I be happy with the weight I lose??