Working out and a movie

Tonight I watched one of my library movie rentals. It made me think about how complicated life is and how it doesn't have to be. I was mad during a part of the movie because the main character was screwing up everything that had been worked for for a whim. I don't know if this was a sign to tell me I can't throw away my weight loss for this junk food that I sometimes don't think makes a difference in the overall weight loss. Also to dedicate more time to things that matter to me without the temptations of food always being present like working on my art, being involved in the anime community, and sewing more. My life doesn't need to be complicated by popularity and trends. I just need to do what's right for me.

I worked out tonight-- it's not my usual night for exercising but I still did. It wasnt a full workout but I feel like I'm closer to my goal by doing it.

Apple sauce and Tuna:: For the past month I guess I've been eating the pre flavored tuna that Bumble Bee makes. I was thinking I need to start saving money because frankly, that stuff is expensive. So I'm going to try out Apple sauce and tuna. Tomorrow will be my first test I suppose. I also got lemon curd so I could have lemon pepper tuna. It's just a theory. I probably should have bought lemon juice instead of the lemon curd but we will see.

Needing to set new goals

I've been not exercising as much as I should have. I did 2.5 hours so far this week when the goal was 4 hours. There was a lot of stress this week. I did pretty good about not letting my stress affect my eating too much. I do need to step up my exercise. I think setting a mini goal. There aren't any special events coming up though. OK OK. I want to be in the mid 160s by the beginning of April so the next anime convention I attend I will look smaller then the last anime covention I just went to. That's a really good idea. I'm content with that. I thought I looked pretty good but my shirt was a little too tight also I really would like to wear the pants I got on sale. I was able to get them on but they were so tight that I really could not walk comfortably in them. I want to wear them for this event for work that's coming up.

Puffy me

My boyfriend romantically made a slide show with music he composed of us together. I was shocked at how large I looked. He said it was the puffy version of me. I was horrified and happy at the same time. Horrified that I squeezed myself into so many ill fitting clothes but happy that I'm not puffy like I was before. I wonder what I'm going to look like when I'm thin not just "overweight" I want to look back and be happy.

Happy Accidents:

We went to a restaurant last night and I desperately wanted BBQ ribs instead of all this health food!!! I've lost weight and still had my occasional junk type food. They just happened to be out of MY order of ribs not my boyfriend's order of ribs just mine. I got more grilled chicken and some shrimp instead. I guess I didn't need to have the ribs. I still wish I did though. I would have not regretted it if I did eat it. So many blogs talk about eating this and that with regret. I will have cake when I really want it. I will have ribs and beef when I really want it. I just eat it in moderation.

Exercising:
I will admit I only worked out twice last week so 2 hours. But I will work out more this week (I have to keep telling myself this). I am coming down from my "I don't want to do anything but make art" phase and settling back into normalcy. This should be interesting. I'm going to weigh myself at the end of the week. Maybe I should weigh myself tonight as a reminder to shock myself into exercising 4 hours or 5 hours a week again. Bah. I'll still be content as long as I tried with exercising. I do want to be thin in the summer but I'm not going to make myself super unhappy over if I don't end up in a single digit size. I could attempt tae bo again but this time before the elliptical machine.

Only one

I've only done one workout this week, which means that I need to work out today and tomorrow. I'm supposed to do laundry and then go out to dinner. This means that I will have to face my fear of exercising with someone around. I may just go into another room and close the door. It is a little frustrating to feel so insecure. There are so many chances to take. I don't want to gain weight before I start training to run! I'm getting excited about the thought of running like the people I see when I'm driving. You only see them for a split second and you're gone. But they keep running.. AHHHHH so cool. Can't wait. I don't imagine that I'll be running marathons but I could run a few miles at a time. It would be like literally running to the store. Squee!!!! I want to make so many things happen. I can do it!!!!! Yes!