Yes back on track

Finally meal prepped again. This time with no meat for this week. Trying to lower my fat intake. We will see what happens. Also I did 110lbs on the ab machine and then went down to 90lbs. 

Looking for something

It's true. I love my time at the gym. It's literally one of the calm moments I have to just be myself. I found myself in a routine but I feel like I just want to try out a bunch of things at the gym to just make each trip exciting. I don't really feel like I can share my excitement over the gym with anyone because I keep seeing that glazed look on people's faces. Anyway, it feels like if I just go with the intention of just enjoying the workout I will keep it up long term. I don't think I should worry about the calories as much because just going to the gym will help me keep my stress levels down. I've been reading articles about calories so I think it's just safe to say that being active is something I need. I think once I work on decluttering my junk I can develop a good routine to go to work and meal prep easier. I just need to find the energy to get rid of stuff even if it means throwing it away. 

Consistency

So yeah, no meal prep over this 3 day weekend so my meal for today is a joke. My weight always seems to just skyrocket after I let others know of my excitement over weight loss. Am I just supposed to be quiet about it then? It feels crappy to get let down so much after being excited. I know I'm going to keep working towards my goal. I just don't know if I should work towards keeping things to myself and deflect conversation so don't have think about anyone sabotaging not even myself. I could also just not step on the scale and just focus on being healthy. My weight is going to be what it wants to be. I'm just working on creating and eating more nutrient dense meals.

Alright I'm just going to think out loud about my meals yesterday which were chocked full of junk:

In the morning/early afternoon I had a hamburger with egg, cheese, bacon, lettuce, and tomato... Now normally I would have switched the beef for turkey and taken off the cheese and bacon... I took out half the bacon and left everything else. What was I thinking?? I don't even know how I didn't thoughtfully make a choice. I thought about ordering a salad with the burger but instead ordered the sweet potato fries and fruit. I really don't know how I thought that was doing any good for me. Looking back at it now I just am shaking my head wondering what I was thinking.

(I ate this even after finding out Pad Thai is junk food which I didn't know when I ordered it the a couple nights before. I mean I shouldn't have ordered the pasta because it's pasta but I thought because it was rice pasta, nutty and chicken/shrimp it couldn't be that bad for you. I was wrong. Really wrong. )

Then I had a bit of ice cream and a third of a cookie trying to live in the moment.

For dinner I had had enough of living in the moment but still had tacos. I gave all of the meat to my sons so that I could cut calories but still ate all that bread.

My big questions to myself: Where are the veggies? Where are the fibrous foods? How can I take more control and not just "live in the moment"...


Tonight I need to get my life right even if it's buying a rotisserie and cutting it up for lunch. I will prevail with eating better. It's not difficult to pour frozen vegetables in a meal prep thing for my lunch.

10 lbs down?? 205.2

I was to excited I know the number will fluctuate but I'm happy none the less. I cannot wait for onederland.... I don't know how many weeks it will be until then. We are supposed to go out for dinner tonight... Since we cooked an oily breakfast I most definitely need a vegetable dinner. 

206.6

I'm really starting to get into the groove of the gym. It's starting to feel like I have some sort of routine going. I stay on the arc trainer until I reach 400 or more calories. Then switch days between abdominal exercises and arm exercises. On abdominal days I try to do the straight arm ab machine and if there is time I will do planks, v crunches, and straight leg pendulums. On arm days I do the tricep (lifting behind your head), bicep curls, and side extensions. I know,  I'm really just trying to engage my core whenever I can. At first I thought I was overdoing things because I was feeling hungry and tired but I think I just wasn't giving my body what it needed to do proper recovery. I think I will start making improvements soon.

Watching Alan Thrall's videos on youtube really make me want to try the overhead press and the barbell squats. I'm kind of nervous about trying out things like that out on my own but I know eventually I will try it. It's very inspiring to see all these videos that could help show my family that I'm not off base with throwing out a lot of the junk and trying to meal prep to make our lives easier.

Meal prepping this week was sort of a failure. I really wanted to have it down but it's going to take some time I guess to get ratios right for how many things to pack and overall just making space. We have a tiny crap fridge where it's hard to store food but what makes it extra difficult is all the unnecessary foods we always end up throwing out. We constantly want something easy to throw at my sons to eat but we don't prep for them like we did when they were first born. I had bottles lined up for them just ready for me to feed them. Now it's like a scrambling mess. We will do better. Also my freezer is just jammed packed with foods I know we aren't going to eat. A cluttered space leads to a cluttered mind. Anyway it doesn't have to feel like that.

Ok I'm also going to update that I haven't been watching anime on the Arc Trainer. I'm trying to listen to pandora because the techno music, dub step, and new bass music all seem to pump me up to go faster thus burning more calories. I end up dripping with sweat by the end of the workout and am definitely proud of myself.


If I can keep myself consistent with having fun like this with the gym and keeping up with meal prep. I'm going to free up a bunch more time and hopefully be able to start painting more regularly again.

207.2 need to eat fiber and vegetables

I feel like I'm not going to make it anywhere if my nutrition is lacking. I ate a packed lunch for work this week and I need to do some tweaking. Also, I've been feeling pretty down in a lot of aspects of my life and working out is helping. I feel like I'm going to get the hang of the meal prep. Pinterest, Instagram, and Youtube are really helping a lot. I'm hoping that eventually I'll be under 200 pounds. I really want to be in onederland because it really feels embarrassing to myself that I have to go so high up on the machine for the weight calculation being as short as I am. I can see my stomach flab starting to change a little. I think it's because of the Arc trainer and the abdominal machine. If I could reach at least 180 pounds by the end of this year I think I would feel fantastic.