166.4 and thoughts on running

So I guess it's a good thing the scale is going down but I'm still not sure why it spiked like that. My bf says that I'm eating too much but I honestly don't think I am. I'm eating more low calorie foods so maybe the weight of them is more? It's frustrating because I think my eating is on a better path and now I'm really exercising. Yesterday I was sore but still went to the gym. I'm wondering if I should do my zumba class or go on the treadmill again. Squatting has the most soreness. I ran a mile but it was freakishly slow at 12 minutes because I was sore from the day before. I really want to be able to constantly do 10 minutes or less. There was an article online that said if you want to be able to do 6 minute miles you need to be able to run 6 miles straight. So if I want to run miles in under 10 minutes all the time I probably just need to always do 3 miles on the treadmill. If I can make it up to 2 miles by March I will be excited.  I'm also trying my best to do the 1.0 incline I was reading about too. I think if I keep up it will get easier. I'm also trying to prepare myself for not being able to go to Zumba anymore. Zumba doesn't really feel the same like it used to and it's not really helping me lose weight. It helps me maintain weight. Someone should make running more fun. I think running is kind of boring but I want to do it because I don't really know anyone who runs for hobby/exercise that stays fat or obese. The 5k is going to be a big accomplishment for me but also I think if I can do that while running all the way then after I should train for a 10k. One accomplishment at a time. I want to get a picture of me running my first 5k. My bf has medals from winning them when he was younger. I just want run the whole thing and not feel like I'm dying at the end.

167

I'm not sure how my weight jumped like that. I went to the gym last night and did a hard workout. Running/walking, arm exercises, the ab machine, the seated mid row machine, 20lb. squats, and more running/walking. Maybe it's water retention? I went to the grocery also to load up on healthy foods. 19 cans of tuna or really all the grocery had of the tuna I eat. I was able to get the tuna a $1 off for each so I saved a lot. My lunch is still missing greens. I don't really want to bring in salads because I always end up leaving the containers and it getting nasty. I've read before to not worry too much about the scale when coming back to the gym but I want my clothes to fit. I'm not trying to by new clothes because I have other plans. This is going to be a long journey. I'm going to try and not get jealous that the other people who started at the same time I started blogging have reached goal. My journey is different. I need to up my self esteem to the point that I don't need to worry about other making fun of me all the time when I'm hanging out with people. Regardless of why they are making fun of me.

163.8

I would be lying to myself if I said that I'm happy with my weight/physical appearance. My resolution this year is to train and complete a 5k (or more). It would be nice for my weight to go back into the 140s but I'm not sure of that happening. I cut out a lot of the drama going on in my life (meaning I cut out a lot of people). I feel like I want to meet some people who want to do active things with me outside of the gym like running or walking or something that doesn't involve only drinking alcohol or binging on unhealthy foods.

I went for a vacation and looked at the pictures feeling ashamed of myself. Not only did I let the words of the strangers making fun of me for being obese hurt but I was doing it to myself also. I didn't dress how I really wanted to dress except one night and I did the works with the outfit. It had sparkles and I just felt beautiful. I came back from the vacation and none of my pants wanted to fit. I have a muffin top now. It's just a bad feeling.

I started bringing food to work with me so I could stop going to fast food places to eat. Even if I'm buying ok things to eat I should be able to control my calories more if I bring in my own food.

Main foods I'm taking  to work: tuna, fruit in a cup, popcorn, carrots, and more fruit.
I think I want to bring in some salads or celery with the peanut butter and raisins or some vegetables.

Goals:
  I intend on creating a more positive image of myself because I can feel beautiful at any weight.

1. I want to do a 5k race (I would really like to do it in under 35 minutes).
2. I would like to dress up like I'm going out on a date for regular everyday wear because I rarely go out with my bf but I want to look nice.
3. I would by the end of the year like to be creating healthier meals all the time and invite people over to share them.
4. I would like my artwork to be sold to more people.