Memories and Renewal

Ok. So it might not be clear already but I have lost weight before. I lost 60 some odd pounds before to be exact in like 10 months or less using a diet and exercising 30 minutes a day. Someone told me I could never lose weight ever and to prove them wrong I lost 60 pounds. I thought I looked too thin but I just wasn't comfortable with myself. People I used to know gave their backwards compliments of "oh you look so good now" and I felt angry. Gained all the weight back and then some. Not all on purpose but it probably was.

I'm not going to kill myself to lose the weight but it feels good to be doing it consciously and for the right reasons. My too thin last time was I think my just being a coward towards the attention I was getting.

I also realized using my period as an excuse is not going to work. I worked out over an hour last night. The first time I tried I keeled over crying about the cramps. I drank some tea, which surprisingly got rid of the cramps and tried again a few hours later.

ORGANIC--- Can I type that again (Oh I think I will... Muhahaha) Organic--- I went to yes, an organic grocery store, this mom and pop kind and fell in love. Getting healthy is going to be easier than I thought with this new tool of mass destruction!!!! I went through every aisle-- I could make homemade Asian Dishes, Vegan Dishes, Vegetarian, and all sorts of healthy choices. I was not naive because not everything that has organic printed on it is healthy but I will overcome.

Oh-- My exercising is going to fluctuate. No more just elliptical. Although, now I'm enjoying reading while I exercise. It makes the time go by much faster.

Realizing you been insulted.

I never realized that people casually insulted me until I started reading all these weight loss books. I guess you say I was just looking at the good in people and not really seeing them for what they are. Last night I was so upset about it I ended up working out 1.5 hours on my elliptical machine and burned according to the machine over 1200 calories. It's not really about the calories more about how this morning I really dont feel the work out like I would for tae bo. Feeling like a sap, I had forced myself into the last half hour because I stupidly weighed myself in the middle of the night and thought I had gained weight. I peed right after and stepped on again to be the about the same weight from a few days ago. Still at 206.

The best feeling from working out was that I started getting the feelings back that I had when I'd go to the gym by myself in college. The feeling like I can do it. I will see inches shed from my body. I'm also wondering how my body will feel at the weight especially because I'm mainly doing heavy resistance(10-15 out of the max 20). I can do the max resistance but I think I will build up so I'm comfortable and not feeling like I'm going to die. Yes!

I am avoiding the grocery store because I'm tired of spending money but I need some more variety in what I'm eating.

Three Days of using my Elliptical

Three days of using my elliptical in a row. I felt fantastic when the scale said I had lost 3 more pounds. I've been trying to up my fiber intake and yesterday I did treat myself to the tomato mozzarella panini, with a side salad this time. I think I am falling in love with the caesar salad too. I think its something to do with the ability to have cheese with salad and not have too many calories. Anywho, I'm thankful for losing more weight and hope to keep it going. I really think I should by a new anime series once a month if that is really a good motivator for me to get on the elliptical. It was good to laugh while exercising.

Reading. Depressed Slightly. Empowered A lot.

I read a couple books about weight loss stories. The one I read last night had me so angry I got on my elliptical machine. Yes, a small victory! I think I make have worked out a bit hard because my body was kind of tired and my eyes got all swollen. I also cheated a little; I'm borrowing an anime boxset to watch while I was exercising. If my eyes hadn't been so swollen I would have stayed on it longer. Anyway, I stepped on the scale in the middle of the night and I had gained .2 lbs. So I'm still under but I have more weight to lose. Now, I don't have to fret over the hamburgers I ate the other night. I really want a pesto panini. I keep thinking about them. I might just use the ingredients and put it on a rice cake or something instead. Small post but positive change.

Conversations with the Fat Girl

I was so enthralled by the book Conversations with the Fat Girl I couldn't sleep until I finished it. I felt connected with it. Empowered and was wishing for a happy ending so much that I couldn't stop until I knew the whole story. I want a sequel. I want to know more but it was feel motivator. This book is going to be on my rewards list of things for losing weight.

Next book on the list is: The Fat Girl

I think the reading about weightloss/nutrition is a big section of my life right now. I still want to motivate myself to go out more doing things I really want to do. Like yesterday, I walked around three museums, walked to the White House, saw the Capital building, and the Washington Monument. Surprisingly with all that walking and going up and down stairs, my legs aren't sore today like the first time I went to 3 museums with my friend last week. You know what? I want to go back and walk around some more, seeing the zoo and the rest of the museums. Who knew giving yourself loads of walking to do could be a reward?

So I was reading

^^ it wasn't a wendy's burger I had; it was one from my boyfriend's house.

I was reading back through my posts and I think I need to try even harder. Exercise is the key and I haven't motivated myself to do it but now I have that boxset promise staring me in the face. I don't think I want a Coach Poppy Wristlet for 180 pounds. It should be something better than that, like a trip to the zoo or the rug I really wanted from Target. My mind was playing with my emotions yesterday and I gave in. I ate 2 hamburgers without reading the label first to see how much it would effect my eating. I was upset with myself after I read the label this morning. Feeling like I took steps backwards. Also, I'm reading, Conversations with the Fat Girl. So far so good, I would not consider gastric bypass knowing I can lose the weight by myself but I'm interested in seeing how the fat girl deals with her friend who lost weight that way.

Vacation and 9 lbs to first goal... Eww to TGI Friday's

This weekend my boyfriend's family and I went to New York on vacation. It was great, even the eating part. We did so much walking that I thought I'd be sore the next day like I was when went on my trip to the museum. Interestingly enough the calories listed with all the food helped me to stay focused on eating appropriate. Of course my restaurant loving boyfriend wanted to go to a restaurant. I was shocked that his favorite restaurant, TGI Friday's, had so much unhealthy food. Even most of the healthy looking things were unhealthy. I was too excited about ordering a cobb salad after seeing it was one of the only things on the menu less than 1000 calories. Needless to say, I will try to sway him some about how much we eat at restaurants. The health book series I'm looking at currently, "Eat this, Not that" was an eye opener too. I cannot help to think no wonder I gained so much weight after looking at all the things from the do not eat side as things I ate on a regular basis. Still need to focus on exercising but at least eating is on the right track. Oh, and I'm going to try the Chick-Fil-A fruit cup this week. It's got me excited about being able to eat "Fast Food" when I go out with people to the mall. A side salad and some fruit sounds like a great meal to me.