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I really can't stand this. I need to just eat healthy. Why is it so complicated?  Why was I doing well and just let the weight creep back on. I'm addicted to sugar and junk. I saw a video today of myself at Zumba and although I was impressed by my fluid dance moves I felt I looked like a butterball turkey. Can I not lose weight without the vengeance of trying to get back at everyone for picking on me for so long??? I'm pretty much alone right now in terms of anyone really understanding how much I can't control how terrible I'm eating. Am I just waiting for things to fall apart to pick up the pieces? I really don't want to go back there but I'm also feeling like something is missing from my life. Killing myself with obesity is not the answer though. I have to lift myself up and keeping trying even if I fall off the trail some.